Sleep

I'm headed where she is in this picture... And I can't wait to get there. I'm pretty sure I don't look as adorable, though! Sweet dreams to all!

"The message of the lullaby is that it's okay to dim the eyes for a time, to lose sight of yourself as you sleep and as you grow: if you drift, it says, you'll drift ashore: if you fall, you will fall into place."

~ Kevin Brockmeier

On it's way

I really noticed it for the first time today.  The leaves beginning to change colors on the trees.  It was a harsh realization for me that my beloved summer has gone and autumn has arrived.  I don't love autumn.  Autumn poses challenges for me and each year proves to me that I am not up to the task.

  There are things that I do love about it... Apples and all the apple foods...and pumpkins, I could devour just about anything made of pumpkin! I love seeing the bushels of apples and the various sized pumpkins as part of the everyday. I love the smells and the cool, crisp air.  I love the beautiful colors of the leaves as they repaint the landscape.

It's when the leaves fall to the ground that my troubles begin.  There are many trees on my property and the hours of time spent trying to control the leaf population are long and exhausting.  Each year, I limp my tired body inside feeling worn out and defeated by the whole process.  Autumn -1, Nancy -0!! Then there is that night when we turn the clocks back for that extra hour of sleep.... Worst night of the year!  From that point on the darkness races toward us at an alarming speed.  I love the light and miss it when the darkness arrives.  Autumn -2, Nancy -0!! And the worst part for me is the knowledge that winter, with so many more challenges follows right on autumn's heel. 

It's inevitable though, autumn has come and I can choose to either be miserable or be joyful.....and since I'd prefer to be joyful...I will vow to enjoy the good parts and hope that God somehow helps me muddle through the rest.  I will try... I will face it with as joyful a spirit as I can muster.... But I will also be counting the days 'til Spring!!

"Just as a painter needs light to put the finishing touches to his picture, so I need an inner light, which I feel I never have enough of in the autumn"

~ Leo Tolstoy

Kitty Love

Cara was home so briefly it seemed like a whirlwind.... A good whirlwind... A quick visit that caught me up on details and stories that get lost via text message.  She's back home now.... In a home that actually has internet!

Nobody was more confused by her brief visit then her beloved Poochie.  I've noticed it before.... How much Poochie truly adores her, and how she is truly his human.  It became so obvious this weekend!  His absolute delight that she was home, his desire to bond wih her every minute, his watching her as she packed back up.  And now his looking around the house investigating.... as if he is in denial, and believes that if he looks around long enough, she just might appear.  

It is really so sweet, for a cat who isn't necessarily sweet tempered.  I wish I could reassure him that she'll be back in a couple of weeks.  She will be back in a couple of weeks....  I know she is missing her baby too.  It was Cara who edited this photo of Poochie a few years back.  I should learn from him....to not plan as much, be as busy, but to just be happy to be in the presence of those I love.

"Time spent with a cat is never wasted." 

~ Colette

Home

She's home! It's been a long day... And getting longer! The bad news is I have no internet connection.  The good news is that Cara is home!  So good to see her and hear all her stories. 

For all of you who are my avid followers, I apologize for whatever sorry posts I manage this weekend without internet.

“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” 
~ George Augustus Moore

Long lost

There are nights that I sit down at this computer, and I look at this blog and think...I got nothing.  It's on those nights that I go searching for old pictures that just spark something in me.  I saw this oldie but goodie tonight on just such a quest. I began thinking that I really miss this PITA of a guy!!  He is a great guy, and became a  dear friend...but ooooh there were times when he would drive me nuts!!  Looking at this picture, and thinking of some of our old shenanigans.....I just have to laugh.  And then I looked at myself in this picture...and I asked myself when I got so ancient looking...beause I don't look all that bad here....

And if my old friend Adam is out there in the universe somewhere, it would be really nice to hear from him.  I hope that wherever he is....he is happy and having a good time....and still moving forward toward his  goals.
Tonight I am missing his presence in my life...and am thankful for all those times spent together.  Go call a long lost friend......they are truly priceless treasures!!

"What do you value most in your friends?

Their continued existence."

~ Christopher Hitchens

Finding the light

I will admit to you that these past few weeks for me, and some dear friends, have been scary and uncertain....and dark.  With every thing in me, I have been reaching for the light, trying to grasp it, basking in its glow...however dim it has seemed at times.  There have been times, when I knew I had to be the light for others.  There have been times when I knew I had to light the way.  The light has come in many ways, a smile, a laugh.....between friends.  It has been a knowing, understanding look.  It has been seeing others also searching for the light....and being the light.  It has been a ray of hope....hope for the future shared between friends.  It has been love shared, it has been innocence.  I feel like there are more dark days ahead of us, but I know that between us...someone will always reach for the light, be the light....and somehow....we will light each other's way.

" Whatever you are physically...male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy--all those things matter less than what your heart contains.  If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior.  All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside."

~ Cassandra Clare

Marching Band

I miss this. I don't miss everything about it...the late nights, the non-existent weekends, the cold October/November competitions....there were, of course, things that annoyed me.  My fall was dedicated to the Arlington High School Marching Band for 7 years.  But I do miss the camaraderie,  I do miss rooting for our team,  I do miss watching the progress from week to week.  I do miss the music, the marching.  I do miss the kids. I do miss the other parents.  I do miss feeling a part of something bigger and enduring.  I do miss being a part of that close knit Arlington Band Booster Family.

Cara says her knees will never be the same.  Alyssa says her wrists are ruined.  And though this may be true, the gifts that Marching band gave them....friends, confidence, discipline, perseverance, pride, not to mention memories.....have made them both stronger, better versions of themselves. For those of you not familiar with marching band, it is like nothing else out there...especially when your kid is on that field.  The Arlington Invitational is Sunday, October 13.  You should consider checking it out.  You can bet I will be there!!

"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much."

~ Helen Keller

19

Happy Birthday to my baby girl!! !9 years old!!! I don't know where the time went....but there has never...no NEVER... been a dull moment with Alyssa around.  She is silly and zany and she can be the life of the party....and many times she is the first one to pass out after a busy day.  She has always considered herself the 'dumb one'....but is the best, most committed, organized student.  She laughs....hysterically.... and cries....just as hysterically, I have always said that Alyssa doesn't cry, she weeps.   She worries about everything....and everyone.  She is often anxious, she can be impatient and short tempered  She is a beautiful, graceful dancer....so many people have told me how much her performing has moved them...but she is humble, and doesn't see it.  She is musical...sings, plays musical instruments...and then I find out that she loves listening to the chipmunks.  She loves her friends, she only holds on to the ones who are real.  She is creative, she is frugal, she appreciates beauty, she is sensitive, she is wise in matters of the heart, she loves animals, she loves the elderly.  She is funny....hysterical, and she doesn't try to be....she just is.  Sometimes she gets frustrated that some people find her funny when she isn't in a laughing mood.....I think that is called charm.  She has always kept up with fashion and is truly girly in all those, fashion, hair, nail ways.  She loves tea and candles.  I mean she REALLY loves them and I just don't get it.  .She cares about people.....she really cares, and anything people do for her...touches her deeply.

So many people think they know Alyssa, but she is complicated, and often a contradiction. They see the silly goofy side, but don't always see the other parts.  They make assumptions and predictions based on that little bit of herself she chooses to show the world.  They may not understand how still, as a college girl, she isn't so interested in spreading her wings....unless she is flying in the direction of home.   Those of us who know her, are continually charmed by her, touched by her, exasperated by her....and so very thankful for her!!  I have always called Alyssa my miracle child.  She came into the world, when I wasn't sure we would be able to have any more children.  She was a gift to me then and she continues to be a gift to me, to our family, to her friends, our friends..... and to all the world.

With all my heart...with all the prayers in me....I pray that this year is for her, just as joyful and beautiful as she is!!

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart."

~ Kahlil Gibran

~

Blast from the past

Just to give you a chuckle and to prove that I was indeed, young once upon a time ...so long ago and far away....another treasure I dug up at mom's this weekend.  Ahhhhh the 70's, good times!!

"Growing....doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled.  I'm glad for that."

~ Ally Condie

Love to bake

I was helping my mom with some tasks at her house today and I ran across a couple of pictures of where and when I first fell in love with baking.  I fell in love with the process as well as with what it produced.  And now they tell me it's bad for me....especially for me with this confounded Celiac disease.  But I don't really care, because there isn't much I wouldn't do for a warm chocolate chip cookie.  I do try to behave myself and stay on my diet as much as possible, but sometimes it's about the quality of ones life....

Baking has become my way of showing love.  How often to you drown your sorrows with a bunch of carrots, or celebrate a special occasion with a bag of apples?  So, even though I know it will probably be my undoing.....I will continue to bake....and even sneak a bite once in awhile.

"I figured if I was going to make the world a better place. I'd do it with cookies."

~ Ana Pascal

A spark

Someone set ablaze a spark of  hope in my heart tonight, and I am tending that fire and I pray that it rages into a wildfire of optimism and determination and belief in the future.

"You have to find what sparks a light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world."

~ Oprah Winfrey

Carpe Diem

My daughter sent me this photo of a sunset in her "backyard" tonight.  I wish I could have been there, water always soothes me.  If it is true that every person is connected to an element, than without a doubt mine is water.

There is a ton of stress in my life right now...a ton!! There are a lot of scary questions being asked, and not a lot of comforting answers.  This photo of the sunset that she sent me, reminded me to let it go, all the worries of the day, and just be quiet and be thankful for what is in my life today.  It isn't as easy as it sounds. But I am trying. It reminds me that each day has treasures, and we need to seize the day and make the most of each day.  We need to push past the worries of the day and live each day to it's fullest.  We need to be open to the joys and blessings of each new day.  So as David McCollough Jr urged the graduating class of 2012, in a speech that I just loved....I will try to carpe the heck out of the diem.

"Carpe Diem. Sieze the day, boys.

Make your lives extraordinary."

~ John Keating

Friends

Thinking about how blessed I am to have so many absolutely amazing and wonderful people in my life.  I am choosing to focus on all the positives in my life, and even though they exist....trying not to concentrate on life's annoying little details.

"I love the friends I've gathered together on this thin raft....."

~ Jim Morrison

Just Keep Swimming...

I choose to be hopeful for tomorrow......that we will take what life hands us and with the help of friends, we will get through it together.....and with some measure of joy.  The quote is inspired by my friend Kendra....and I know she is in need of a little inspiration right now...and this is it....I believe in you!  There are times you have believed in me, when I wasn't sure if I believed in myself.  Give it your all.....and we will all be here to help you through however we can!

"When life gets you down, you know watcha got do?  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."

~ Dory 

Together

Excuse my poor photo editing skills.  What I am feeling tonight is that there are a lot of people holding me up, keeping me together, encouraging me, making me laugh, crying with me....picking up the pieces and trying to be optimistic about the future.  We are truly a family.....and I could not be doing this alone ....without all of them.  In the coming days and months, we must remember that we are not in this alone, we are in this together...and the only way to make it through this is to take care of each other.

"You may not remember the time you let me go first.

Or the time you dropped back to tell me it wasn't far to go.

Or the time you waited for me at the crossroads for me to catch up.

You may not remember any of those, but I do and this is what I have to say to you:

Today no matter what it takes, 

we ride home together."

~ Brian Andreas

Miss these days

How I miss this in my life......but I will always be one of their biggest fans!!

" Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances."

~ Maya Angelou

Dearest of friends

I woke up this morning feeling like I had been run over by a MAC truck.  But after some conversations with two of my dearest friends, I have given permission for the earth to keep revolving and life to keep evolving into a new tomorrow.  I am feeling so very blessed for the people in my life !! How rich I am to have such friendships!

"We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.

'Even longer,' Pooh answered."

~ A. A. Milne

Bob

In this life you come across all kinds of people, some people you never really get...and some you just can't get enough of.  And if you are really lucky, you get to know someone like Bob.  Bob has a spirit that is larger than life.  He has a one-of-a-kind personality and a language to go along with it, Bobspeak, I call it.  He is a joker, loves to instigate, stir up trouble.... then sit back and watch.  He is a practical joker.  He likes to play, but he will not be one-upped.  Bob's retaliation is swift and fierce.  Bob is a force to be reckoned with.  He has an irreverent sense of humor, his eyes twinkle when he laughs.  His laugh is infectious, his smile warm and welcoming.  People really just love Bob, he has a way with people.... after a few moments in his presence they will follow him anywhere, but trust me, Bob can also be maddening!  Bob loves the outdoors, he is a bicyclist and boater.  He is often found camping  and traveling. and embarking on all kinds of adventure.

I first came to know Bob as a boss.  It took me awhile to get a handle on who this complicated person was.  I will admit, that I was a little intimidated at first.  But then, one day I learned a secret that, in addition to all the other parts of Bob, there was one quality that I loved the most...and that was the enormous size of his heart and the degree to which he cared for others.   He was my boss for more than 17 years, until today, as a matter of fact.... when he retired.  He started out as my boss...but at some moment in those 17 years, we became friends....or maybe it was a series of moments... We have talked about work, personal issues, silliness.  We have played and laughed and also fought from time to time.  He was a friend, counselor and a cheerleader when I really needed one.  He became Uncle Bob to my kids, and there have been boat rides and moving days and graduation parties....

Words can not possibly explain how I will miss Bob as my boss.....how I will miss walking past his office and hearing him call out "Nanny", which he started calling me after one of my students used to scream it at me while walking down the hall.   It was a special nickname, because he used it.  Words can not possibly explain how I will miss his playful spirit, his love for the kids and the staff.  This little supportive family that exists there, exists because he first created it...."take care of each other", he would always say.  He led by example and always took care of us all as best he could.

So now I can't walk past his office  and hear him call out my name, I can't go in and vent about what is making me crazy.  But his spirit is there, and his spirit is with all the kids and staff that he has touched...and we will carry on his legacy of love and caring and enriching the lives of our students.  He may not be my boss, but he is still my very dear and treasured friend.....and extended part of our family.  I hope he didn't think he could get rid of me by retiring....because he is a part of me after 17 years, and I am not letting him go that easily.

I am thankful to Bob, for this beautiful place that he created....a place of learning, encouragement, laughter, love and the more than occasional practical joke.  I am thankful for his daily meanders into my room, for the twinkle in his eye, that I knew meant he was up to something, and for being there, being a friend and taking care of me.  Bob may be gone from the day-to-day but he will always be a part of me, always be a part of us...my work family and I, always be a part of what we do and why we do it.  He was and is and will always be....my boss, my mentor, my friend and the example of how life should be lived and loved.  Love you Bob!!

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.  Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never,ever the same,"

~ Flavia Weedn

Having Faith

I don't really even know what I want to say today.  I am feeling unsettled.  I have been looking around me lately and seeing so many impossible situations.  I am looking at good hard working people trying so hard and getting nowhere.  I am looking at people in pain with no where to turn,  I am looking at too many decisions being made from a business standpoint.  I am looking at the almighty buck controlling every decision.  Today life is looking bleak, and hopeless.  I hurt for so many people who are scared, who don't see a solution, who aren't finding a helping hand, who have no where to turn.  I wonder what is to become of this world...with all this hurt and pain in it. What is to become of a world with no one willing to start picking up the pieces and helping another along the way.  What is to become of a world where the dollar rules and everyone is only concerned for themselves?

And I don't have the answers....so I put aside the questions for tonight and I choose to have faith that some tomorrow will be better.  I choose to have faith that good will win over evil.  I choose to have faith that maybe if I wake up tomorrow and have faith and believe...that maybe, just maybe I can add a little light to this hurting world.  I take a deep deep breath and believe.....have faith....that we will be ok......   All I see is darkness, but I have faith that the light will come and we will find our way.

"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere.  We can't always understand them, but we have to trust in them.  I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith."

~ Lauren Kate 

Remembering

We will not forget

"The moment to spend with a husband who loves me, or a sick friend, or a delicious new grandchild is here and now.  Not some time later....  The nation learned this lesson all at once that horrible day in September 2001.  The pictures stay with us--the fires and falling debris, and, most hauntingly, the faces.  Look how young so many of them were, people who thought there would be much more time, a lot of 'later' when they could do all the things they really wanted to do.  I grieve for their families--especially for those.....who haven't found any traces of the people they loved.  But I grieve even more for the people who died that day.  They couldn't know what we know now about the precious gift of time."

~ Cokie Roberts

Quiet

"There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart.  So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never learn what it's saying."

~Sarah Dessen

And so the school year begins...

And so we begin a new school year! For one day there was waking up without fighting.  There was being very organized about completing assignments, though there was a little confusion.  Would it be too very much to ask for this to continue past day one?

"Begin, be bold, and venture to be wise."

~ Horace

The Future

And so tomorrow is the beginning of a new school year.  Cara is out on her own now.  Alyssa has started her sophomore year of college.  Alex  will begin his last year of middle school.  For some reason, it is not the first observation, but the last that seems to be causing me great consternation tonight.  I have felt unsettled and all the unsettling things about life, of which we all have many, have become magnified tonight and I have been feeling anxious about the future.

Next year at this time my baby will be starting high school....and those years just fly....and then what?  I don't know the answers, there is no possible way for me to ever know what lies ahead.  So I will take a deep breath,and go make his lunch and look at him lovingly as he lays down tonight.  I can almost assure you that when I try to get him up tomorrow morning, there will be no loving looks.

So....I will take one step at a time and enjoy the moments and the people that are put in my path.  Onward into the unknown that is this year.  I have faith that it will be a good one for us all.  I pray that it will be a good one for all of you!!

"Forward momentum.  That's my new motto.  No regrets. And no going back."

~ Gayle Forman

My sweet girl

The last few days have been busy....and as we get back to the routine, we've been away from home more,  Allie is going to have to get used to us not being around as much as we were in the summer.  So, I am going to go spend some quality time with my sweet girl tonight.

"The greatest fear dogs know is the fear that you will not come back when you go out the door without them."

~ Stanley Coren

My own personal superhero

The summer is over...and I am left to face the world with my own personal superhero.  He really is, though.  He baffles me and makes me laugh at the same time as I struggle to understand this alien being living in my home.  But his humor and wit and intelligence and creativity constantly amaze me.

The real battle of wits will fully begin Monday morning at 6:00 a.m. when I attempt to wake him up for school.  I will need the bravery of a superhero to do so...somehow, though I am certain it will be painful for both of us, we will make it through!

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I could freeze time...

On Thursdays I often see posts on facebook or instagram that are labeled #tbt or Throwback Thursday.

 Here is my throwback Thursday....My precious niece Elizabeth and Cara as flower girls.  I wish I could freeze time and somehow have these little ones back......if even for a short time.  Now they are both college graduates working full time jobs.  But I remember this day...and I remember these girls...and although I love the young women they have become, part of me wishes I could visit with these two little girls once again. One thing I do know is that I loved them then, I love them now...I will love them for always.

"It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like, so long as somebody loves you."

~ Roald Dahl

Wishing you were here...

Sometimes....your body is one place, and your heart in another.  Sometimes.....that is just how it has to be.  Sometimes......being apart from people we care about just seems like torture.  But we have to be so very grateful for those people and those times that make saying goodbye so tough....and all they have done to make our days worth living.  I truly believe that what is most important in life is the relationships and the love that we share!!  

And though we are apart tonight...those of us who created something beautiful together...we are indelibly engraved into each others hearts.  So we will remember all those happy times.  We will be thankful for the honor of crossing paths with remarkable people.....and we will know that goodbye doesn't mean forever. We will keep in touch...we will see each other....we will laugh, we will dance. Some of us may stay up all night, the rest of us will just go to sleep early....but we all got lucky....to have each other!!

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

~ A. A. Milne

School Days

I started my school year today and I'm already quite overwhelmed by the length of my to-do list.  I am thinking of my girls and how far they have come since the day a kindergartener and 3rd grader waited for the bus together.  That little kindergartener is now a sophomore in college and the 3rd grader just started grad school in Manhattan tonight.  So proud of them!!   And that is about all you are going to get out of me tonight...need my rest to welcome my amazing students tomorrow!!

"Kids don't remember what you try to teach them.  They remember what you are."

~ Jim Henson

Summer's End

I never welcome the end of summer.  Over the years summer has become my favorite season.  I don't mind the heat...especially since I am usually freezing the rest of the year.  There are so many things I love about summer....the more relaxed schedule, warmer climate, an abundance of light, vacations....wherever they may be, days at the beach.  It is a break from the usual routine of life.  A time where my spirits recharge and I am renewed and begin to find the parts of myself that somehow got lost through out the year.

As I look back on this summer, I am even more reluctant to bid it farewell.  It was a good summer and held so many people and experiences that I treasure and these memories will keep my spirits warm through the change of seasons...until we meet again....summer and I.  This summer was full of so many gifts to us.  I am so thankful for each one; a graduation, a visit to dear family, hot air balloons,  extended family bonding and accomplishment, new experiences, fresh starts,new and beloved friends, old and beloved friends, heroes, game nights, scavenger hunts, brownie bake offs, Fizzy Wizzbangs, staying up all night to get lucky....or not, tie-dye, the zoo, the beach, family time together, laughter, exhaustion, a full house, a drivers license, a new job and apartment, s'mores with friends (no matter how you pronounce it, always a good time), moving days, new beginnings.... My heart is full as I think of all the people that made our summer so amazing.

Today, as I wrote this, I sat here mourning the loss of it all, dreading the sound of my unwelcome alarm clock tomorrow morning at way too early an hour, regretting 2 week breaks without the break part included...  Outside there was heavy rain and loud thunder as if to echo the sentiments in my heart as I bid farewell to my summer. As my thoughts turned to the year ahead, amazingly the sun began to shine brightly.  I ran outside and sure enough there was a gorgeous rainbow, a perfect arc, too large to capture with my camera, resting right over our house.

I take that to be a sign, a promise.... that this year will be just as full of love and laughter and blessings as our summer....that the amazing people and the memories we made with them is just the beginning of  a wonderful year for all of us.

"Summertime is always the best of what might be."

~ Charles Bowden

Left Behind

After this weekend...full of moving Cara in to her first apartment, exploring her new surroundings, sitting with my knuckles white and my eyes shut as she drove me through the Bronx...and not because of her driving...because of the crazy way everyone else was driving, I feel that Cara's childhood is now officially a thing of the past.  She has left her childhood behind and now will be on the carousel ride that is adult life...getting into the routine...going round and round;  going to work, paying bills, keeping food on the table and life in some sort of order...  It is not easy...especially not in these times in which we live.

It may be an exciting time for her...but, I who have done all those adult things for far too long, hope she is able to carve out some time to keep in touch with her inner child, relax with one of her ever growing collection of disney movies, find friends to hang out with and enjoy life with.  I wish her balance.  I wish that amidst all the responsibilities and complexities of adult life...she is still able to find joy and love life.

"Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets."

~Roald Dahl