Thankful for my blessings

I love having all three kids home and under one roof.  As Cara prepares to graduate from college and start real life....I know that these times will become fewer and fewer.  There is something so comforting to me to have all my babies in the same place at the same time.  If there is no bickering, it's even better!  

They are each such miracles to me.  They have each been a challenge to raise, each in their own way....but sometimes I just look at them when they are talking, and I realize that I am not really hearing them...because I am looking at who they are....all the gifts and promise and potential they possess. They are each their own unique person, yet a common thread runs through them...the thread that connects us all.   I am always in awe of them.  Make no mistake, I might feel like eating those words as I struggle to get Alex to bed at a decent hour tonight. But I will look past those unimportant events and realize what blessings I have been given.  I am thankful for them and proud of the people they are growing into.

There will be good times, bad times, nerve wracking times, funny times, sad times, anxious times.  That is what life is made of, I am learning....and I have learned that the bad times help you appreciate the good times even more, and not take them for granted.  If I had it all to do again....I probably wouldn't change a thing...because I can not imagine my life without any of them.  We never know what tomorrow brings. So I will go downstairs and sit with them tonight...and thank God for blessing me with such amazing people as my kids.

"You are the trip I did not take, you are the pearls I could not buy,
 You are my blue Italian lake, You are my piece of foreign sky,

You are my Honolulu moon, you are the book I did not write,
You are my heart's unuttered tune, you are a candle in my night

You are the flower beneath the snow, in my dark sky a bit of blue,
Answering disappointment's blow with "I am happy, I have you!"

~ Anne Campbell

Choosing healing

Alyssa had 4 wisdom teeth removed today and she is having a rough time of it.  Although watching her come out of the anesthesia was mildly entertaining....ok...let me be honest....VERY entertaining!  She is always adorable...and was equally adorable coming out of anesthesia.  She is not so adorable right at the moment.  She has been hurting since we got home and the initial anesthesia began to wear off.  After some decent pain meds and some sleep, she is now attempting to eat and drink a little...and thank God for the cell phone so she can text and not talk.  I think tonight may be a little rough for her.  But I hope that she is able to find relief in the morning.

Alyssa has never, since she was a young babe, been a fan of anything remotely medical, and has done her share of  stressing about this procedure.  It went well, those pesky wisdom teeth will never bother her again...and as time passes she will begin to heal and start becoming herself again.  I have been watching her today and thinking about the healing process.

Alyssa has been through a rough year...emotionally and physically.  I, too, "have been there" and understand what it's like to be in unhealthy and painful situations.  I think the first step is always to just tread water...try to keep ourselves afloat until we can figure out what is going on...what direction should we head in to try and feel better.  Like Alyssa today, at first she was just miserable...paralyzed by the pain and not able to do much else.  But once she got some meds in her and some rest...she has been able to move past the pain a little...it's still there...but she is looking forward, having conversations, taking nutrition, she is able to deal with it and take the steps that she needs to so that she can move in a healthy direction.  This seems so much easier when it's a physical pain....a concrete experience...so much more difficult when the pain can't be touched....when you can't always identify what hurts.....and more importantly...why.

I think about all the people in the world that are in pain, that are struggling and in need of healing.  I see it so often...so many people that are in pain...still treading water...trying to decide which way to swim toward a healthier and happier existence. It's so hard to know...what the cure is...which direction to go.

I don't have the answers.....I wish I did...and unfortunately the answers are different for each person....the cure....different for each person.  I do know this...we can't do anything or get anywhere alone.  We need to be there for each other to help the healing process.  Sometimes it's understanding, sometimes it's love, sometimes it's tough love....   Although much of curing happens from within, I do know...that none of us can find the answers completely alone.  I do believe....that healing, like loving, and believing and reaching out and choosing joy.....is a choice.  I pray that we all choose to move in the direction of healing....and reaching out to help another heal.


"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay."
- Dave Matthews Band

77 days 'til Spring!

It was so cold today!! Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of winter. There is not much about it that I enjoy. I am not a fan of the snow, ice cold or dark. I am not a fan of not being able to get down my driveway, or getting stuck in it. I don't mind a snow day or a delay...especially if I still have power...but that is not always the case.  I will admit that there is something so refreshing about resting or sleeping in a warm home when it is deathly cold outside. I do enjoy the winter Olympics every 4 years....but that is about it as far as I can go in extolling any virtues of  January and February.  I have tried several different strategies to try to make it through the winter,   I often use this time to embark on a procrastinated project (trust me I have too many of those). But it seems like I am always cold and always walking around with my coat on.  I just don't like winter.

I have learned that life goes on...whether I am happy about it or not...whether I want to go on with it or not...and so I try to take it one day at a time.  Many years, this one included, I have started a countdown to spring.  There are 77 days until Spring (March 21st...don't even argue with me about this....that will be the subject of another blog). A voice inside me hears someone scolding me to not wish my life away...and I try not to...but it helps me to deal with the misery that is winter, by breaking it down into understandable units, baby steps....  I reassure myself that spring will actually come, that the trees will bud, that I will smell the fresh spring air, and be able to go for a brisk walk with the dog.  I will rejoice when the count goes down to the 60's and then as it continues to decrease, I will prove to myself that with the passing of each dark, cold day...the number is getting smaller as the light and warmth is getting nearer.  I think there is a word for this...and I think that word is called hope.

I will learn something about myself this winter...just from the very enduring of it.  I will realize anew...that I am stronger than winter, that it can freeze me to the bone, but it can't break my spirit.  With each passing day...I will find a way to find warmth and joy and love despite the cold. I will find ways to inspire myself to find the beauty in each day....even though I don't really see the beauty in the winter.  I will hold the hope that warmer days will come. Each day I will resolve to live the day to it's fullest...and when it is over, I will congratulate myself that I am one day closer to spring.

As I endure winter, as when I endure other difficult times, I will keep the hope in my heart that better days are coming...warmer days. lighter days.  Hope will light my way and keep me warm until then.  77 days 'til Spring!!

Be a blessing, or don't show up

I got home from work today and I was so tired...void of energy and lacking enthusiasm for life.  I literally felt as if I could not even move off the couch.  Getting old presents with some not-so-pleasant side effects, as I am finding out first hand.   My phone began making it's text message sound and this is one of the very entertaining photos that came across the screen.  This is my daughter, Alyssa...being who she is...goofy, silly, hilarious, caring, loving, sensing I needed a laugh and some motivation.  I love her spirit...her joy and silly goofiness...even though I must admit I am not always in the mood for it.....but she is always determined and breaks my mood and I can't help but start laughing at her...and then it's all over...she has won!  Joy has won!!  Why was I fighting against it anyway? Why wouldn't I just laugh at the first antic or the first picture or the first conversation that she started having with me in a foreign accent?  I need to learn from her and not always be so serious or so bent on the goal and purpose at hand that I forget to sit and laugh and be in the moment with those who are so precious to me..

I miss this when she is away at college...and yet she needs to be persistent to remind me of that very fact when she is home.  I think about how blessed I am to have her and her sister and brother...all so different and yet so alike.  I will hug them tight tonight and get down on my knees and be thankful for the most beautiful blessings that I have been given.  I will be thankful that I have them all home together under my roof for a few weeks...I know it will not always be so.  I too often focus on my needs and not on how richly I am blessed.  

This is my lesson for the day...to be joyful, to be present and mindful of my blessings.  I was reading an interview with a celebrity once....not necessarily a favorite celebrity...I was probably stuck in a Dr's waiting room reading it.  This celebrity recounted some advice given to her by her grandmother: " Be a blessing or don't show up".  I like it....and it reminds me of Alyssa's spirit of joy and inspires me to do just that.  Tomorrow I will strive to be a blessing, because not showing up isn't one of my options.

Choosing the challenge of life

Last year. I began a challenge on facebook to post a photo for each day of the year.  I enjoyed doing it and some people enjoyed checking out my photo each day.  I was successful, didn't miss one day all year long!  Hooray!!  Now what? I had also started this blog...that went no where.  I wasn't sharing crafts or recipes or anything of interest to anyone...and I didn't always know what I wanted to write.  So....it didn't go very far.  I decided to start again.  Using a photo as my jumping off point, as I did on facebook this past year...and see where the pictures and words lead me from there.

I have tried to be a positive force...on facebook and online and in life.  I try to see the silver lining....I try to keep the positive in focus.  That doesn't mean I walk around with a smile plastered on my face. It doesn't mean that I don't get worried or anxious. It doesn't mean that I don't feel hopeless and frustrated.  It doesn't mean that I necessarily like everyone whose path I cross.  What it does mean is that I choose to live life with a positive outlook.  I have seen so many statuses and tweets etc on social media sites that just seem like needy cries for help and attention.  I made the decision that I was not going to follow that path...but try to find something good or funny or inspiring in each day.  I have found.....that while on that mission, trying to find something good, that I have been able to alter my outlook ...and make myself more at peace and filled with joy by choosing to look for the positive.  That doesn't mean that I won't appear frustrated at times with my children or my job, that I won't let you know that I find little positive about winter...but I will try to put a positive spin on it.

Tonight...I am ready to start the new year. I am ready to be positive and change my life and reality into a more positive one....however, I am not ready to start tomorrow.  I am not ready to go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow...no longer on vacation...back to reality.  I am not ready to let go of Christmas, the movies, the carols, the feelings of good will toward men.  I am not willing to wake up to the rat race and the people who are not so nice, who don't always "get" the true meaning of life as I see it.  Today's picture is my Christmas tree...still full of all it's Christmas glory...with my son's half packed back pack in front of it.  It is my reality for today.  Still trying to hold onto the holidays...but being forced to wake up tomorrow ....to grab myself up by the collar....and head into 2013.  Ready or not...here I come....but....I am not sure I am ready!!

New Year's Resolutions!

Last year I made a few New Year Resolutions.  One of them was to start a blog. I have never blogged before, and didn't really know if anything I had to say would be meaningful.  So after feeling uninspired, I just kind of let it go. At the same time, I took on a challenge to post a picture on facebook everyday. My daily posts became popular with my  facebook friends.  I received many comments about my daily posts and requests to continue this year....go figure!!  So I may be looking to using that as a "jumping off" point to redefine my blog. Be patient as I try to figure this all out.
For those interested here is the link to my photo a day on facebook this past year.

.http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2722712160107.131464.1626203823&type=3

"Let's all take care of one another and make it a better place to live!"

One of my friends put the above words on her facebook status as a wish for the New Year.  It summed up in one little sentence so much of what I believe.  I have long been a fan of the old adage, "It takes a village to raise a child". In fact, it takes a village to raise us all and keep us going throughout our life.  It seems that we think that one person, one soul mate is going to be the answer. We think there is one magical person out there that is going to complete our world.  In fact, as in tribal days of old, we have a lot to gain from everyone we meet. Different people...friends, family members, coworkers...touch us in different places and enrich our whole being.....if we are open to them....if we let them.  I think we have a place in our life and in our heart for so many people.

We live in a society that has become more and more isolated. There is a feeling that you are out there by yourself. I don't see people giving and sharing like the old fashioned barn raisings and quilting bees....but rather people are so concerned that they are being taken advantage of, so concerned that they get what's coming to them.  People are homeless and struggling.  Do we look at them and wonder what went wrong in their lives? Or rather do we ask how we can help them get back on track?  Are we willing to take some of what we have to help them get back on track?  I am not suggesting that we don't try our best to take care of ourselves, provide for ourselves, save for ourselves...but unfortunately, we have been scammed so much, taken advantage of so much....that part of our heart has indeed hardened.  We put up walls to avoid being taken advantage of again.  But really.....we need to seek people out to help.  There are people scared about where the next meal is coming from. Scared that their vehicle will hold up...scared about whether they will be able to pay their bills. It is hard for them to admit failure. It is really easy to pass judgement on the choices they have made.....it gives us an excuse to not help when we can rationalize that they have somehow been reckless.  We criticize people who aren't self sufficient.  If they aren't self sufficient maybe we need to teach them how to be.

My wish for the world...and most especially for myself is to begin looking past what we alone need and start looking into how we can join together and help each other.  The world is looking bleak right now.  We can't make it alone. We need to count on each other and allow ourselves to be counted on. I wish that all of this can start with me. I wish that when I see a need...I can try to join with others to help...no matter what the need: financial, medical, emotional...we can not...not one of us....make it all alone. The only way we are going to make it in this country...through this time in history....is to join with each other and take care of one another.

It's a vision, a mission, an ideal to live up to in this new year......