My loves

"You are always in my thoughts.  When you were little I knew your whereabouts at any given moment.  Now that you are.... off on your own, I still always know where you are, because I keep you in my heart"

~ Elizabeth Berg

"I sometimes wake in the early morning & listen to the soft breathing of my child & I think to myself, this is the one thing I will never regret & I carry that quiet with me all day long"

~ Brian Andreas

Someone who inspires me

I was texting back and forth with Sharon today as we were working out the transporting of our sons from play practice.  We had begun texting before I left for work.  So on my way to work, I started thinking about her and what an amazing person she is.  We first met when her Libby and my Alyssa became friends in the 2nd grade,  They were best friends for many years, and shared years in the marching band.  The Warman family will always be so dear to Alyssa.  As luck would have it.  We also have another pair of kids the same age.

Sharon is one of those people;  I just sit back and look at all she does and I just can't believe all that she is involved in...and I often wonder how she does it all.  She is a ray of sunshine, always positive, always has a smile on her face, always appears to go with the flow, always laughing.  She's a scrapbooker...another way we connect... and has sold Creative Memories.  She inspires me to keep up with that hobby, she inspires me to photograph and design and to preserve our precious memories.

We were both  marching band parents and I would marvel at her involvement, energy and ideas.  I know she is involved in a bunch of organizations...and she is a speech pathologist by day.  She has 3 fantastic kids, a strong marriage, and a close knit family.  She is super woman.  When I talk to her, I always feel more grounded when I am done.  I know she has saved my life by helping transport Alex back and forth this year.  

I just started thinking today about what an amazing person she is, how much she accomplishes...what a beautiful spirit she has.  I am honored to know her....and she inspires me to be a better person.  I am pretty sure that there is some phone booth somewhere that she goes in to hide her superhero regalia.  I count myself so fortunate to have had the honor to know her!!

"It is good to love many things, for therein lies the true stength, and whoever loves performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done"

~ Vincent Van Gogh

Longing for the sea

 Those who know me, know that I have quite a connection with water. I love to be near the water. Water soothes me and comforts me.  No place on earth however touches my soul like being by the ocean.  I try to get there whenever I can.  The smell, the breeze, the sand beneath my feet, the roar of the waves.....It touches me in a spiritual way and renews my sense of purpose.  I find myself longing for the sea tonight, as I look out at the snow and hear reports of  cold weather on the way.  Just looking at this photo is calming to me.  Tomorrow, in times of stress....which I can guarantee will present themselves, I will hold this image in my mind....and imagine the sights and sounds and sensations....and I will smile just knowing that a place like this exists in the world.  It really is such a beautiful world, when we stop and look around.

" The waves of the sea help me get back to me"

~ Jill Davis

Sisters by chance, Friends by choice

I don't know what has possessed me, but I have been on a mission to clean and organize.   It is truly not normal for me, and I am even starting to scare myself.  In the process, I ran across this photo...which I just love and thought I would share it tonight.

Those of you who know my family know that each of my children is unique unto themselves.  They are truly their own person.  The girls especially...are just so different in so many ways.  I am so happy that I gave birth to a pair of sisters.  I never had a sister.  I have two brothers that I love dearly, but I think the relationship with a sister is different.  When the girls were small and growing up, I heard all sorts of testimonials about sister relationships from just about everyone with a sister.  They ranged from sentiments such as  "they are your very best friend in the world" to "they are the worst possible thing that could ever happen".  As they were growing up, I hoped that my girls would have the sister relationship that I had always longed for.  As they grew, they went through different stages of  getting along or not getting along.  I prayed that when they grew up they would always find the other to be that person that could be counted on to be there.

As the story goes, when I was in the hospital giving birth to Alyssa, Cara was having a huge tantrum screaming "I don't want to be a big sister, I want mommy".  This is hysterical to me, because, in general, Cara has always been pretty even tempered...and really didn't have many tantrums at all.  Now Alyssa....that was a different story.  One short year later, I was explaining to Cara that we would be taking Alyssa to the hospital in the morning to have tubes put in her ears, with the hope that she wouldn't get so many darned ear infections.  I explained, that the Dr would give her a medicine that would make her sleep and when she was asleep they would put the tubes in and then she would wake up and we would bring her home.  Cara did not like this.  "Mommy, I don't like the idea of that medicine that makes her go to sleep. Please don't let the doctor give her that medicine."  The next morning we went accompanied by Cara's very favorite doll to watch over her sister.

When Alyssa has had some difficulties this past year, Cara was her protector.  Anyone causing Alyssa any distress would have to answer to Cara. When one of them is feeling down or stressed or excited there is usually a phone call or extended text to the other.  In spite of how different they are, no one really understands them like their sister.  They get irritated with each other sometimes, but it doesn't matter and never lasts long.  They have a bond that is stronger than whatever little annoyance may get in the way.  They are each other's best cheerleaders, counselors, sidekick.  They are the partners in crime, shopping, singing....    Now that they are both away, when they both arrive home, there is excited talk amongst all of us, news is shared etc,  But there comes a time at which point I must vacate.  They get beyond silly, I can make no sense out of what they are saying, the laughter gets to a pitch and frenzy that drives me crazy...but they are tickled at themselves...and they just keep egging each other on....dizzy in their own little euphoria.

At the end of my days....this will be one of the things that I am proudest of....that they....that all three of my kids do truly love each other,  that they came out of family life and growing up...not wanting to get the heck out.  but that they can't wait to come back.  I am so thankful that my girls have the sister relationship that I dreamed of.   I have found that sister relationship, by having them.

"Sister.  She is your mirror shining back at you with a world of possibilities,  She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway.  She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink.  Some days she's the reason you wish you were an only child."
~ Barbara Alpert

Stop Time

Well, both the girls have gone to school, and Alex and I are trying to go back to our routine.  I am exhausted,  I must have been channeling Alyssa today, because I was running around cleaning and cooking and crossing things off that to do list like I had a magic wand.  I was all kinds of productive and now I am all kinds of exhausted.  There has been a little talk about inclement weather...it doesn't seem likely, but tomorrow would be a good day to sleep in.

I look at this photo and I just wish sometimes that I could stop time for a little while.  I wish I could just freeze these moments......so I could enjoy the kids as they are now. Life seems to change so fast...all of life.  The world is always turning, always evolving,  We are always evolving.   Relationships are always evolving.  I often wish that I could just stop the process once in awhile, so that I could just take it all in....so that I could just really enjoy it...my life...my world.  The times are few...if they exist at all when we really just stop to sit back and take it all in.  There is always something else in the back of our mind...something that calls our attention to yesterday or tomorrow.  It would be such a gift to just stop time so we could just pause in the here and now...just to sit and take in the world around us...all we are blessed with...for a few moments...before everything started moving again.

Since that is not a possibility.  Tomorrow I will try to look at everything...my kids, my coworkers. the same old scenery on the way to work with a new appreciation for what makes up the every day of my life.  I will be thankful for where I am.and who I am with....and who I am.  I will try so very hard to spend a couple of moments in the present...not thinking about what was or what will be...but simply taking a moment to be in the now.  I will breathe it in...I will be thankful for it and I will vow to do it more often.

"There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle"

~Albert Einstein 

Alyssa heads back

Alyssa is heading back to school in the morning after a much needed 6 week break.  She will miss the comfort of home, and all her furry friends.  I will miss her.  But I am so proud of what she has accomplished, at how she has grown, at who she is becoming...  Though neither of us are quite ready for her to walk out that door, I have lived through it with Cara and I  know we will get through this hurdle, we will jump back into our routines...and before long we will be together again.  

I am so thankful for my family, which like most is not without it's struggles, but I am thankful that we enjoy being with each other, constantly have news for each other, laugh, eat, talk, relax, stress with each other...and that no matter how far away the miles stretch between us...we are always close where it matters...in the heart.

I wish Alyssa a safe trip back to Oswego, a joyful reunion with her college friends, and days filled with the warmth of  joy and laughter to carry her through the cold and snow that lie ahead.  She knows that even though she isn't here...she will always be close to us in our minds and hearts.  

"You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you."

~ Frederick Buechner

a quiet winter night

" There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself."

~ Ruth Stout