Goodbye to 2013

There have been years when, as I sat to watch the year end.  I couldn't wait to get rid of it.  I was happy and relieved...thinking 'good riddance'.  There have been nights such as this one....when I have prayed for a better year....when I have fervently hoped for life to smile on me and my family.

I guess as you live, as you go through life and the challenges and struggles it presents, you look at yourself and find yourself somehow changed.  Tonight, I look back on the past year.  I think about the unfortunate events that have crept in...but I find myself having to work to call them to mind.  I am focused on all the joys and triumphs....all the amazing people who have come into our lives....and saved our days.  I am focused on the good times.  I am thinking of Alex in his plays, Alyssa dancing.  I am thinking of Cara graduating, getting a full time job, moving, going to grad school.  I am thinking of Alyssa making the President's list. I am thinking of DAC.  I am thinking of the beach and the zoo and hot air balloons. I am thinking of family gatherings, gatherings of friends, sunrises and s'mores....regardless of how the word is pronounced.  I am thinking of Poochie, Lady, Lassie, Allie.  I am thinking of our church family.  I am thinking of my precious family...those in Pleasant Valley and those in Glenville, Philadelphia, Germantown, Maryland....

I am thinking of people who have come into our life this year and brought with them love and laughter...Melissa, Cyndi, Gale, Dorothy, Sig, Corey, Kelly, Keith, Gaelen, Zoe, Morgan, Sam, Megan, Sarah....to name only a few.....  I am thinking of old friends that we have reconnected with, and the people that we don't get to see every day anymore. I am thinking of the people...those faithful pals who put up with us day to day...

I am thinking of the changes that have taken place....those that were welcome, those that were not....and how we have met that change....and gone with it...trusting that it would bring us to a better tomorrow.

I am thinking of how so very blessed we are.  I will pray for more blessings in the coming year...I will try to find ways to make our life better, to make myself better.  I will keep striving to keep love and hope and a positive outlook as the center of my life.  I will try to be a blessing.   I look forward to this year and all the joys it will bring us....all the friendships and laughter and love,....and always chocolate.

I will face this new year...with my face toward the light...and I am excited about all the people and places and experiences and blessings and riches it will bring us.

I bid a fond farewell to 2013.....and with a heart full of joy and anticipation, I say "Welcome 2014"

“Perhaps that is where our choice lies -- in determining how we will meet the inevitable end of things, and how we will greet each new beginning.” 

~ Elana K. Arnold

“This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.” 

~ Taylor Swift

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Typical holidays with family....

It's so nice to know there are some things that you can count on in life....this is one of them...

“There’s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more . . . secure.” 

~ Jim Butcher

Family

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.

  ~Jane Howard

Happy Birthday Allie Cat

Our Allie Cat is 2 years old!! I can't believe it!!  We got her for companionship and a little sense of security.  I began to question my judgement...because she was a handful....for a long while...and at times still is.  What did I know about training dogs anyway? Absolutely nothing, I quickly learned.  But as high-spirited, curious and high-strung as she can be...she is also the sweetest puppy ever.  We can't imagine life without her....and are starting to see her calm down a little.  Of course, there was just that little incident on Christmas night ....where she helped herself to a pie cooling on the table that was supposed to be taken to a gathering the next day.  She is still in a little trouble for that escapade.  She has given us a few scares...like chasing deer and butterflies and not coming when called...and chewing through AA batteries.  She provides hours of amusement....and love.

Happy Birthday Allie Cat!! We love you so much and can't imagine life without you!!

“The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too.” 

~ Samuel Butler

Christmas

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." 

~ Andy Rooney

Family

Some of my most treasured blessings......

"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."

~ Burton Hillis

Christmas Day

And how did you spend your Christmas ?  I hope it was as wonderful as mine...from start to finish...although, I do wish you were more relaxed and less exhausted!!  I hope your most treasured gifts this Christmas were time spent with family and friends.  I hope you lay your head down, with a smile on your face and a heart full of love.

"It's in the singing of a street corner choir

It's going home and getting warm by the fire

It's true, wherever you find love

It feels like Christmas

A cup of kindness that we share with another

A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother

In all the places you find love

It feels like Christmas

It is the season of the heart

A special time of caring

The ways of love made clear

It is the season of the spirit

The message, if we hear it

Is make it last all year

It's in the giving of a gift to another

A pair of mittens that were made by your mother

It's all the ways that we show love

That feel like Christmas

A part of childhood we'll always remember

It is the summer of the soul in December

Yes, when you do your best for love

It feels like Christmas

It is the season of the heart

A special time of caring

The ways of love made clear

It is the season of the spirit

The message, if we hear it

Is make it last all year

It's in the singing of a street corner choir

It's going home and getting warm by the fire

It's true, wherever you find love

It feels like Christmas

It's true, wherever you find love

It feels like Christmas"

~ Paul Williams (from The Muppet Christmas Carol)

My Christmas List

As we await the dawn of a new Christmas Day. as we await the birth of the baby born in a manger, I thought I would share a few things on my Christmas list.

I wish for peace and joy to those who are struggling to find joy and love this night
I wish for proserity and abundance for all
I wish for guidance for all of usso that we may live fuller lives
I wish that we all move a little closer to love being the rule, rather than the exception
I wish for increasing love and respect among all peoples regardless of the things that make us different
I wish for a world filled with faith, hope, love, truth
I wish for better days for all of us in 2014

Better Days::
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvYm7xPmScY

From our family to yours...we wish you a wonderful Christmas filled with happy time spent with those you love the most.  Make this the day to say the I love you's you've been holding back all  year!!

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." 

~ Andy Rooney

Christmas dreams

While visions of sugar plums dance through her head....

“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!” 

~ Francis Pharcellus Church

Christmas preparation

I've said it before...and I'll say it again...I love having all three kids home under one roof.  Merry Christmas!!

“Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree.” 

~ Charlotte Carpenter

Christmas

Today has been a lazy day at home, relaxing and baking.....8 cheesecakes today....and thinking about the meaning of Christmas...and all the many blessings in my life.

“Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.” 

~ Eric Sevareid

Yet what I can I give.....give my heart

Today was the last day of work for me.  This is always a big day....full of kids getting gifts from Santa and gift exchanging with coworkers.  I always participate in Secret Santa...and usually do fun themes, and it's the last day of that fun....the revealing, but it's more.  In a way this day is Christmas for me.   It's my Christmas with those people that fate has thrown me together with....the people I see day in and day out.  I always work myself into a frenzy preparing  for the day....and I am totally exhausted when it's over.

And as I lugged all sorts of bags in from the car today, I was thinking about the various gift giving.  Before this year, I had basically worked in the same room for many years...staff and students drifted in and out.  Over the years we have done gift giving in different ways.  There were times, when everyone exchanged, times when we picked names....and then one year, I just felt the money being spent was getting out of hand.  My friend Bill suggested a home-made Christmas.  So, I used whatever authority I had, and declared that it would be a home-made Christmas...we would give to everyone but the gift had to have some type of home-made component. Some people thought it was a great idea.....some not so much....but I persisted, saying that it was not our job as co-workers to make Christmas dreams come true, but to exchange tokens of affection.  And on and on....over the years this tradition continued....

This year, I found myself in a totally different class with a totally new group of staff and students.  As the Christmas season neared, the conversation began about how to handle gift giving at Christmas.  Some people liked my homemade idea....and some did not.....just wanting to pick a name and buy for one....and some, apparently just 'yessed' me and did what they wanted.  I was concerned about the money issue... because none of us have money....as a matter of fact we don't have it at all.

I, of course, baked...like a crazy lunatic....but when the day comes that I am not baking like a crazy lunatic at Christmas time...I will know for certain I am ready for the old age home.  That is just Christmas to me.  So we all brought our gifts in today.  One person crafted, one made a holiday snack, one person put together home-made gifts...but was not happy about it...and somehow didn't feel proud of it, didn't feel it was good enough.  And then there were the two people that just yessed me and bought for everyone.

I truly appreciated the hand made gifts...but then again, I love anything that has been made with me in mind.  I also loved the store bought gifts.  The one person I felt bad about...was the one person who had complied with my wishes...and made gifts...but really had just wanted to go shopping.  But, honestly...I loved the little gifts she made...I really did.

I gave a gift today to someone who is only in our room on a very part time basis...and not an employee of our school.  She seemed so surprised and delighted that I had included her....and that made me happy.  Then I thought of this adorable person I see during my work travels.....who handed me this huge gift bag full of scarves and hats she had knitted and other goodies for my girls.  I was so surprised...and so touched that she thought of me....and then there was the teacher down the hall that handed me a little something that I just wasn't expecting.

I got to thinking...that we all feel differently about giving gifts....some people feeling very happy to shop for gifts...and others enjoying the creating of gifts.  I thought about all of this...about the gifts I had received, the gifts I had given.   When it comes right down to it....it doesn't matter what your preferred way of gift giving is....I guess that will always be as different as all the people and personalities that we are.  What is important about giving....is that it be with a sense of joy....and excitement and be heartfelt....and not feel like a burden...like something you are expected to do....because that isn't giving.  And tonight....I feel badly for my friend who made adorable little gifts that her heart wasn't in....and somehow.....next year.....I will have to figure out how to do this gift exchanging so that she is able to give with joy as well.

Of all the things that I have brought home these past couple of days, the things that mean the most to me .....the gifts that I will cherish and remember....are the gifts that can't be contained in a package.  The unexpected gifts that come with an expression of thanks or friendship, the hugs, the kisses, the knowing that something you have said or done has touched someone and communicated to them how important they are....which is why you wanted to give them a gift in the first place.....those are my favorite gifts.....those gifts of the heart.

Christmas can be commercial and all about the amount of money spent....but it doesn't have to be.  What makes the gift special....is the heart of the person who is doing the giving....and wanting so much for it to bring some joy....and maybe that gift is a piece of jewelry or a new gadget or a home-made ornament, or a baked good....or maybe it's just a stupid mug with some chocolate in it.  No matter what it is....no matter what level of finance is involved...the important part of giving....is to wrap up a piece of your heart right along with the gift.  Some day that gift may outlive its value or usefulness...but the feelings that were communicated through the act of giving will live on.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” 

~ Dr. Seuss

Christmas memories

“There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” 

~ Erma Bombeck

A Christmas wish

“The light of the Christmas star to you. The warmth of home and hearth to you. The cheer and goodwill of friends to you. The hope of a child-like heart to you. The joy of a thousand angels to you. The love of the Son and God's peace to you.” 

~ Sherryl Woods

In the bleak midwinter

It is ironic, perhaps, that my very favorite hymn, not just Christmas hymn, but hymn of all time is this one. Yet, I have no patience, no use for winter.  There are many versions of it, sung by many people....as well as the people that surround me at church when it is sung.  In my last church, it became a bit of a joke. They sang it frequently during the Christmas season...because they knew I loved it so much.  I was always so happy when it was sung.  There was a hymn sing countdown Sunday in January. You could vote for your favorite...and I ALWAYS stuffed the ballot box.

I love the words, particularly those of the last verse....which kind of sum up my beliefs about faith and life.  The melody is soft and haunting...and it touches me...every time I hear it.

The irony has not been lost on those in my life either, who get a laugh out of my intense love of this song....and my intense dislike of winter.  But, be that as it may.... I think this song  paints a picture of the nativity scene......cold and unbearable conditions...which may have seemed and felt  full of despair and hopeless.... and that is when the baby came to be born to save us all.  And maybe that is a message for all of us this Christmas.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zBTh4sM0SU

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan, 

earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone; 

snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow, 

in the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Our God, heaven cannot hold him, nor earth sustain; 

heaven and earth shall flee away when he comes to reign. 

In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed 

the Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ. 

Angels and archangels may have gathered there, 

cherubim and seraphim thronged the air; 

but his mother only, in her maiden bliss, 

worshiped the beloved with a kiss. 

What can I give him, poor as I am? 

If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb; 

if I were a Wise Man, I would do my part; 

yet what I can I give him:  give my heart.

Catching the spirit

I was dreading Christmas for awhile this year.  It's so hard to do Christmas when there just isn't anything left over at  the end of the paycheck.  My kids gave me the first lesson in the true meaning and spirit of Christmas.  I told them that there weren't going to be many gifts under the tree...and they told me that Christmas doesn't come from a store.  They continued to be excited about Christmas....anticipating it.  So I thought that if they were excited.... I was going to make it as merry as I could.  I asked a friend at work one day if her nephews were still around the area...and would work for cheap to help me decorate the house and surprise the kids.  To make a long story short, Two friends from work...who aren't as scared of ladders...and know a WHOLE lot more about lights, came and helped me decorate the house.   It didn't necessarily go smoothly, but they got it done.  The surprise has been revealed to the kids one at a time...and they each had their own reaction....and all are so happy to have the house lit up for Christmas.  As I drive up to the house each evening...with all the lights lit, it really helps to put me in the spirit.

When it comes to having a Merry Christmas, having some money sure does make it a lot easier....but having friends that will come stand outside...and  stand on ladders, and keep replacing fuses  to help you get the job done...is truly what puts you in the Christmas spirit.  Because in the end....Christmas is about giving....whatever you have to give.  It's about sharing and loving.  It's about remembering that we are all connected...and we need to keep each other close.  I am so thankful for the people in my life, who like George Bailey, make me the richest girl in town.

“Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ” 

~ Mary Ellen Chase

The work of Christmas is begun

It has been a weekend full....as most weekends are...of people working, of baking and candy making, and of snow and being snowed in...and worrying about people traveling in the snow.  I am hopeful that those of you that must have a white Christmas...are now fully satisfied.  I know that Christmas is near when I make my cheesecake baking schedule...and do not stray from it!!  The cheesecake making has begun and the first will be delivered tomorrow.

“Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.” 

~ Peg Bracken

Trying to not hate all this snow

I am not a fan of winter.....but there are times when it is snowing out, and I know that all those I love are tucked safely inside that I can relax and almost enjoy it.  Unfortunately that is not the case tonight.  I am praying that the one who is still out in all this, makes it home safe and warm at some time soon, so I can actually sleep tonight.   Storms and road conditions such as this, make me a wreck....and tonight's circumstances are one of the main reasons that I just donot look forward to winter, and can't wait for winter to be over.

“It snowed all week. Wheels and footsteps moved soundlessly on the street, as if the business of living continued secretly behind a pale but impenetrable curtain. In the falling quiet there was no sky or earth, only snow lifting in the wind, frosting the window glass, chilling the rooms, deadening and hushing the city. At all hours it was necessary to keep a lamp lighted, and Mrs. Miller lost track of the days: Friday was no different from Saturday and on Sunday she went to the grocery: closed, of course.” 

~ Truman Capote

14

My baby!!  I can't believe he is 14!!  Many of you know that raising a boy....this boy... is proving quite a challenge for me.  This whole boy thing....and teenage boy mentality... is baffling.  But then sometimes, I sit back and listen to him talking to me about computer components, and video games.  I watch him on stage as the lead in his play or watch him in a concert or at church.  I watch him at times being Mr. Social and other times...Mr. Socially Awkward.  I watch him get annoyed with the woman at church trying to befriend him....but tolerating all the women in the choir hugging him.  I realize that despite the setbacks...he is really a smart kid, a funny kid, a good kid with a good heart.  He is a diamond in the rough....and he needs a whole lot of polishing....but I am starting to feel like we might get there.

He has lessons to learn...about so many things....  I look at the things that are driving me crazy, but then I look at the progress he's made.  I look at his impatience, his sensitive nature and then I look at his keen wit, his determination, his talent for many things.  

Then I look at his good, kind heart...which in the end is what I love the very most.  I look at the fact that in the end...amidst all the struggles that a teenage boy must wrestle with...in the end, his good and caring heart usually does the right thing in the things that truly matter.....and I know we have a way to go....but I know we are on the right path.....and we will get there.

There are times I look at him....and I miss my sweet little boy...who was obsessed with anything that went around.  I try to remember when that little guy turned into this big guy....who sometimes just seems foreign.  I look at him......and often just can not fathom what he is thinking.  Maybe I will always feel a little bit like that with him.  But I know that I will always try to understand what is going on inside that brain...and I know that I am so very proud of my 14 year old guy!!

Preparing myself

Anyone who knows me at all....just a little bit, knows that I am not a huge fan of winter.  There isn't much about winter that I like...the cold, the often horrific driving conditions, potential for loss of electricity....for days, the darkness....  But whether I like it or not...winter is here.  So I am already planning on doing as much hunkering down and baking and bonding with Alyssa as I can manage during this storm that is about to blow through here.  I guess, I can fight it...and be miserable...or just roll with the punches.  I pray that you will all be safe...and try to stay off those roads.

“Winter is much like unrequited love; cold and merciless.” 

~ Kellie Elmore

Home

Finals are over and my little elf is home to help me!! So excited!!  Let the holiday fun commence!!

“Christmas works like glue, it keeps us all sticking together.” 

~ Rosie Thomas

Snow Day!!

Someone had fun out in the snow today...but it wasn't me!!  In spite of the fact, that my particular school program doesn't have many snow days to spare this year....I welcomed that phone call this morning telling me that Alex had the day off....and I welcomed all the texts from co-workers as we waited to see if our school would follow.  It became obvious as the hour grew later...that in fact, it was not going to happen.  I hopped in the shower, and when I got out, I checked my phone only to see a message that said,  "We just closed!!"  Of course, they would wait until I got up and moving!  But, after letting the Allie out for a brief play time...I was back to bed.  I would like to tell you how productive I was with this gift of a day....this extra time. Unfortunately....I just walked around the house like a lost soul.  I did run to the grocery store and stop to vote on my way home.  I did make a few batches of modeling clay for a school project. I did run the dishwasher and do a few loads of laundry.   I did harass my son until he caught up on some trombone practicing...other than that...pure relaxation and procrastination.

I thought to myself as I was out on my little errand....that if there has to be a snow storm....I approve of this one.....enough of a threat to cancel school, roads still clear, and enough to make the trees look like a winter wonderland.  No shoveling needed.  I approve!  Two thumbs up!  So, I am going to get back to doing nothing...and will hopefully wake up tomorrow raring to go with a little bit more motivation!!

“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” 

~ Carl Reiner

Daddy

Today marks the 3 year anniversary of my Dad's passing.  I think about him....about his life, who he was.  I think about the stories, about the fact that one never felt like they completely knew him or what was going on in that head of his.  Every once in awhile, I will just remember some random conversation....or a memory of him will pop up out of nowhere.  I remember the good times...but also the struggles....  

He was one of a kind that's for sure, and we have the stories to prove it.   I've been thinking about his life...and how so often we expect our parents to be perfect...like a TV parent...and we sometimes forget that they have hopes and dreams and worries and disappointments.  As a parent, I know that now.

I so often think about the end...about how his last months were spent in rehab centers, assistive living centers, nursing homes....and how he just wanted to be home.  He had a little dementia going on at the end...and I remember that too...how past and present and future and reality and dreams and fears all came together to form some pretty crazy conversations....with me always trying in vain, to help him see reality.  

I remember that last week....when we just sat with him and waited.....and waited...trying to figure out what to do with our lives...stay and wait....go back to work?  I remember the beginning when we could talk to him, recall memories together...and I remember quiet times, times that were in some way comforting.....just spent by Dad's bedside with my brothers.  I knew this wasn't living.  I knew that it was his time to go. It still didn't make it any easier.  

Dad was never one for saying I love you...and he could be mighty cranky....but he was always there, and showed us in other ways...and so that too is how we said goodbye....we were there.  My dad was always very frugal...never liked to part with a buck as they say.  My brother told a story at his funeral....of when he sat with him at the end and Dad muttered something...and I wish I could remember the exact words, and I am almost tempted to call my brother right now and ask him.   My brother's interpretation was that Dad was saying that all he had as he left this life was himself...he couldn't take anything with him that he had treasured on earth...and he went on further to say that it reminded him, that our earthly possessions, our car, our home, our bank account...none of that defines us.  None of that speaks to who we are....to our value in this world.  

As my dad passed, we were there until the end...and I think that's all you can take with you in the end.....is the love of those dear to you.

And it's so hard to believe....that this man, who I sometimes took for granted, sometimes became exasperated with, sometimes laughed with, sometimes got angry with...but who was such a huge part of my life....my dad...has been gone for 3 years.  I joke with my family that I am raising my dad...because there are many uncanny similarities between my son and my dad.  And sometimes that fact is maddening. But I look at my son, and his sisters and cousins...and I see the little pieces of Dad in them....and in myself and my brothers...and I know he will live on in all of us in some way.

He will live on in the stories and the memories.....and he will live on in my heart....and sometimes that means I will shed a tear on his behalf...and sometimes... I will  remember him with laughter.

“That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking.” 

~ Sarah Dessen

Take a bow

This has been a long and grueling week for Alex...comprised of rehearsals, a band concert, two show performances and 2 long days at the tree farm.  But he did it...and he still is dragging his feet about getting to bed!!  But I am proud of him and all he has juggled and accomplished!!

“Hide not your talents, they for use were made,

What's a sundial in the shade?” 

― Benjamin Franklin

Christmas blessings

Tonight has been spent sitting in front of the tree and giving thanks for all the many blessings that I have been given.

“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ” 

~ Norman Vincent Peale

My son, the actor...

So proud of my boy!!

“Every actor is somewhat mad, or else he'd be a plumber or a bookkeeper or a salesman.” 

~ Bela Lugosi

Reasons to be happy

Today has been a long day and I am dead tired...tomorrow promises to be longer.  But I have some reasons to be happy at the end of this day.

     1.  A fun day at work...and an added little bonus
     2.  A chance to sit next to Cara and hear her laugh all evening.
     3.  The joy of watching  Alex and his friends in the LMS drama club perform their play tonight.  This play was supposed to go on before Thanksgiving, but due to horrific events had to be postponed.  It's hard...after a postponement....with minimal practices to get up on the stage and carry on a performance.  Earlier this evening, Alex wasn't feeling so sure how it would go.  But I told him to go and give it his best and all the positive energy he could find.  He did...and they all did.  It was a great performance....and everyone did a really great job!!
     4. So very proud of our friend Dan!! Great job!!!
     5. Proud that Cara came up from Yonkers to be there for her brother.
     6.  Proud of my baby...and how great he did with his lead role.
     7.  Happy that as soon as we got home, Alex immediately called Alyssa to tell her how it went.
     8.  Happy that Cara arrived home safe and sound.
     9.  Happy to see Alex feeling so successful, and accomplished and proud of his hard work

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters.” 

~ Audrey Hepburn

Baby Jesus

I have been looking through old Christmas photos and came across this one...Baby Jesus is Alyssa at about 2 months old.    It reminds me to remember the true meaning of Christmas...and to keep my head and my heart in the right place this Christmas season.

"Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask thee to stay close by me forever and love me, I pray,

bless all the dear children in thy tender care, and fit us for heaven to live with thee there."

The spirit of Christmas

How time has flown....I can't believe how big my babies have grown!!  I miss them this way...sweet angelic...before those ugly teenage years started.  There was an innocence and a joy...and an excitement that could not be contained at this time of year.  These three may have grown, but I must say that their Christmas spirit remains strong!!   I am trying to cultivate the spirit of Christmas in my heart...like the spirit of these three....then and now.  I am trying to get past the things I am not able to do for Christmas this year....and concentrate on what I can do.  I have talked to so many people lately...so many... who are stressed about Christmas gift giving because they just don't have the money to spend.  They want to give...that's what Christmas is about...giving and showing love....but in these economic times, there just isn't much extra for that kind of thing.

So I am concentrating on what I can do.  I can be happy and jolly and hope for the future.  I can give love and hugs and encouragement and smiles.  I can decorate the house and listen to the music and sing the carols and believe in that guy in the red suit...and the baby in the manger, who came to save us all.  I can have hope for future Christmases and for the future of our world.  Christmas may not be all I want it to be....but I believe that it will be as magical as any other because of the love and joy we all share.' Love and joy come to you, And to you glad Christmas too, And God bless you and send you, A Happy New Year,'

“Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.” 

~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

Happiness

It's been a long exhausting day at the beginning of a week of long exhausting days...so tonight I leave you with this as I end another day....

“Happiness is anyone and anything that's loved by you.” 

~Charles M. Schulz

Thankful

It's pretty quiet around here.  After a wonderful Thanksgiving break, filled with the girls fun and kooky energy, with baking and shopping and visits to family and a party....the girls have both gone back to their other lives...and Alex and I are feeling the loss...and the quiet, as we take some time to relax and prepare for our busy week ahead.

Some of you may remember that I issued a challenge one month ago... to write a letter of thanks each day.  I have done that...mostly, and so has Alyssa.  Of course, quite a few of mine are still sitting in the car waiting to be mailed...but that's another story.

Alyssa and I have discussed our experiences doing this.  We have discusse that it was easier at the beginning, harder toward the end....to find the time, and to write a letter of substance...as it was getting to be more of a labor...something we had to do.  But we both agreed, that the act of  thanking someone...and thinking about how much another person means to us in our life...simply by being themselves and doing what they do, was a blessing to us...and it made us happy to write those letters of thanks (and I will be even happier when I get them all mailed).

We weren't expecting the reactions we got to those letters...the people we wrote to often wrote back...and were so touched.....which indeed made us even happier, knowing that we had made someone happy!!  And think about how it would feel...if people actually communicated to you that they were thankful for you....I think the world would be a brighter place.  So, the month of November is over, but I will still continue to think of someone in my life that I am thankful for each day....and maybe once in awhile, I will write and tell them.

And though, the holidays, sometimes make us keenly aware of what we don't have...I will make it my aim to be thankful for all the many blessings that I do have!!

“Be thankful for your allotment in an imperfect world.  Though better circumstances can be imagined, far worse are nearer misses than you probably care to realize.” 

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

Angels

Today I am thankful for angels. I am thankful for the ones that look over me from above...and I do believe they exist. I am thankful for the angels in disguise...that I may not always recognize. I am thankful for the angels who do a good deed for me at a moment's notice, who commit random acts of kindness, who are always thinking of others in a very quiet way, wishing nothing in return. I am thankful for the angels who just appear when I am in need.... a call from a friend, a genuine smile from a cashier, someone who stops to let me in the flow of traffic. I am thankful for all the angels in disguise who make the world a better place. by thinking of and doing for others....want to know a secret....I see through your disguises...I know who you are....

“When angels visit us, we do not hear the rustle of wings, nor feel the feathery touch of the breast of a dove; but we know their presence by the love they create in our hearts.” 

― Mary Baker Eddy

Joy

Today I am thankful for the spirit of joy...a smile, a laugh, a joke shared, an outstretched hand....a feeling of happiness amd satisfaction... feeling blessed and delighting in life. I am thankful for a spirit of joy in accomplishment, in friendship, in love and in simply enjoying this precious life we've been given.

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” 

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Thankful!!

Today I am thankful for the spirit of gratitude....for being thankful for all the blessings in our life. I am thankful that even through the difficult times....I am able to see that I am blessed with the riches in life that are truly important. I am thankful for those people in life that truly give thanks for what they have instead of only asking for more.
I am thankful fo so much in life...but always, I am most grateful for the people I have been blessed with. A Happy Thanksgiving to all the blessings in my life!! Amidst the feast and the family, that I pray you are blessed with today, take a moment to be thankful for the true riches in your life!!

We had a wonderful day today.  I know everyone thinks they have the best family ever...but, really....I do!  So blessed!!

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” 

~ Thornton Wilder

People who fill my days

Today I am thankful for all the people that have filled my days. I am a people person...I love and believe in the beauty and promise in them, in their ability to do the right thing, in their potential to be...and do...the extraordinary. Yet that doesn't mean that I love all people every minute of the day. There are some people I get frustrated with, there are some that I get angry with, there are times that I just don't understand them and there are people I just don't really like. But that despite the fact that I am not able to live in perfect harmony with ALL people, I am deeply thankful for the people in my life. I am thankful for the people that have believed in me....but also for those who haven't, they have forced me to believe in myself. I am thankful for the people who have supported me, but also those that haven't...they have forced me to call upon an inner strength that I didn't know I possessed. I am thankful for the people that surround me with joy, and also those that haven't...they have shown me that the deepest joy comes from within. Everyone in my life has affected me in some way, I have learned and grown from each. Sometimes the lessons have been joyful...sometimes painful. That is life. There are some people that I have had to walk away from...because the relationship was unhealthy. There are some people that I will never let go of because of all the good they have brought. Whether you are a close friend from past or present, a coworker, neighbor, facebook friend..... acquaintance. I am thankful for you and all that you are and all that you strive to be and all that you do to make this world a better place....and my world a better place. Happy Thanksgiving!

“You know that place between sleeping and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always think of you.” 

~ J.M. Barrie

Accomplishment

Today I am thankful for accomplishment and productivity. it's a good and (and today for me.... exhausting) feeling to sit back and review your day and feel that you have crossed some things off that to do list... To know that you have moved forward in a direction of your choosing. I have been to work. Pine Bush...where I hope to never travel again...and back, have baked a pumpkin chiffon pies and 2 cheesecakes. My bed never looked so good. But I am thankful for all I have accomplished this day.

“Times of great calamity and confusion have been productive for the greatest minds. The purest ore is produced from the hottest furnace. The brightest thunder-bolt is elicited from the darkest storm.” 

~ Charles Caleb Colton

Challenges

Today I am thankful for the things that challenge me. I do not welcome challenges, they overwhelm me and suddenly I feel incompetent. I am not always grateful when being challenged. When I get past that knee-jerk reaction and try to problem solve.... I usually achieve some measure of success, but when there is no success, there was still knowledge gained. I always look back and am thankful for the growth it created in me. Life is constantly evolving, we are constantly evolving....and I am thankful for the challenges that keep me moving and growing in harmony with life....forcing me out of complacency and pushing me to keep being a better me.

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.” 

~ Randy Pausch

Forgiveness

Today I am thankful for forgiveness. I value it in others and try to cultivate it in myself. I am thankful for those that choose to let it go and courageously move forward leaving the past behind. I am thankful for forgiveness from my God for the sins that all we all commit, for forgiveness from people that I have wronged. with or without intention. I am thankful for forgiveness for any hurt that I have caused. for the forgiveness I ask for and the forgiveness that I don't. I am thankful for the forgiveness from myself...which , for me, is the most difficult forgiveness to ask for and give. I am thankful for the will to forgive, and the knowledge that true forgiveness is a process that takes time. I am thankful for the people I've forgiven and who have forgiven me...we are better people for moving forward in love to a new and brighter tomorrow.

“The willingness to forgive is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. It is one of the great virtues to which we all should aspire. Imagine a world filled with individuals willing both to apologize and to accept an apology. Is there any problem that could not be solved among people who possessed the humility and largeness of spirit and soul to do either -- or both -- when needed?” 

~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Seeing

Today I am thankful for seeing; for being able to see and appreciate all the beauty that surrounds us, for being able to see past the annoying little details and see the big picture. I am thankful to be able to look into someone's eyes and see the beauty that lies inside. I give thanks for looking foward to our hopes and dreams, so that we may head in the right direction. I am thankful for those that are able to see where there is need, so that we can give and share and for being able to see all that we are blessed with, so that we may be filled with thanks. I give thanks for having a vision to walk toward and for insight to understand all that can not be seen.

“After all, the true seeing is within.” 

~ George Eliot

Difference

Today I am thankful for our differences....which sometimes make the world harsh and frustrating and confusing and at war....but the rainbow wouldn't be so wondrous with just one color...and I am thankful for everyone who embraces and accepts and learns to deal with our differences.

“I want there to be a place in the world where people can engage in one another’s differences in a way that is redemptive, full of hope and possibility. Not this “In order to love you, I must make you something else”. That’s what domination is all about, that in order to be close to you, I must possess you, remake and recast you.” 

~ bell hooks

Peace

Today I am thankful for peace......peaceful times, being at peace with the people and relationships in life, being at peace with who and where we are in life, being a peacemaker, keeping the peace...despite all the drama that is always around you. I am thankful that though there are struggles in my life, I have been blessed with a good measure of peace.


What is peace to you? I don't think about peace on a daily basis.  I get up I go through the day...there are things that  bring me joy, things that upset me, things that cause me anxiety....and then I pass out from exhaustion and do it again....and I don't often sit and think about the peacefulness I have in my life.  I don't think about going home to a house where I am safe...with a teenage son who can be a handful, but loves me and usually tries to be a good person.  Home to three cats who think they own the place...and are always sleeping where I need to be walking or sitting.  Home to a spirited puppy who is so loud and rambunctious.  Home to visiting daughters with hearts made of music and gold.

I don't think about it at work with great people or at the grocery store or at church or on the way to my Mom's.  Sometimes when I see a sunset, or a hot air balloon...or I walk down to the pond or sit alone in the darkness, I ponder where I am in life and where I have been.  At those times I realize that I have made peace with some of the mistakes made in the past.  I realize I am at peace, in a peaceful place...and then I move on.  I try to be full of gratitude...but I don't spend a lot of time being thankful for peace...because, I guess I just take it for granted.

I take it for granted until today, when my little community is shocked by the death of a family; a father and two sons....one a classmate of my son, and another family member at large.  I have no idea what the story is, what events transpired to bring them to this awful end....but I know there has been no peace for them in the last 24 hours, and if there was a family shooting such as this...I wonder if there may have been no peace...in some degree for quite some time.  Suddenly, I am thankful for the peace in my life.  I am thankful for the quiet, calm in which I do not fear for my life...or that of my family.

I believe that an event as horrific as what has transpired in my little town this morning...is the culmination of a great deal of turmoil and unrest for this family.  I pray for all that they have endured.  I cry for two young boys who died too soon, for reasons that probably did not involve them...in a most frightening way.  For those who were ripped from this life, by the violent hands of another...I pray that they are finally at peace.  For the one who is still scared and running....I pray for the end to her fear and turmoil....I pray for her peace.

It is easy to be disillusioned in this country.......there is so much we can and should be doing better.  But tonight, I am thankful that I live in a peaceful and safe place. I am thankful that I am not living in a country at war.

Tonight I am thankful for my little life, my little corner of the world....in which there are struggles...but in which I am blessed with an existence that is full of peace.

“Peace is more than the absence of war. Peace is accord. Harmony.”

~ Laini Taylor

Encouragement

Today I am thankful for the spirit of encouragement. A word of encouragement can make such a difference. It revives those who are weary, it is that extra voice saying 'you can do this, this can be done'. It helps breathe life back into those who have almost given up, it is full of possibility and joy and yes!! It is kindness and hope. I am thankful today for all those who have encouraged me, and continue to, when the path seems long and bumpy with no end in sight.

My three biggest encouragers....on a day when we all needed a little encouragement!!

“Encouragement from any source is like a drop of rain upon a parched desert. Thanks to all the many others who rained on me when I needed it, and even when I foolishly thought I didn't."

~ Claire Gillian

Listening

Today I am thankful for listening...listening to the sounds around us...the sounds of our everyday world, the sounds of laughter, the sounds of children, the sounds of silence, the sounds of music.... I am thankful for listening to what someone has to say....and truly hearing... an explanation, a story, an apology, a belief, a sadness, a joy. I am thankful for listening and hearing a familiar voice, a favorite song, good advice, inspirational words, a greeting, words of endearment..... and by listening to all of this, hearing the beating of another heart.

This weekend was a ridiculously crazy weekend in which I feel like I traveled the whole of New York State.  I didn't...and although I was on the move....literally...all weekend, there is something about a long car ride that is conducive to sitting still and listening to what other people in the car have to say.  I've had some really good talks with my kids on car rides.  There is one other place, that for some reason, seems to be a good place to have a serious chat with my kids....but let's not talk about that right now.  I had chances at various times...during various long car rides to chat with each of my kids...listen to what they had to say..what was irritating them, or making them happy or worrying them.  I listened to their plans, hopes, dreamsm, jokes.  I am thankful for that time...where I was forced to just sit and listen to them.  It is so important to just listen to other people...to know who they are, where they are...if you want to have a relationship with them.  If we had all been home all weekend...not sure if all those talks would have happened...some of them would have for sure...but maybe not all of them.  I am thankful for all of those times where I listened...or they did.

I wasn't at work yesterday, as I was still driving....and talking and listening ....home from my crazy traveling weekend.  Today I went in late.  I wasn't feeling that great, and may not have gone in at all.  But there was a birthday that needed to be celebrated, and I had made the cake.  So I went.

This year I have a new group of students...most of them starting in the summer.  There is always a period, where we begin the process of developing our relationship...The staff with each other, the staff with the kids, the kids with each other.  There are a couple of girls in my class...one doesn't really like to give me the time of day, at times.  The other, in the beginning, just seemed unhappy often.  So, I set on this mission, to gain their trust and show them that I am there for them.  I have tried to listen to them...to what makes them happy, what makes them sad, what makes them turn their head in my direction.  I have a great class.  I LOVE my staff and my students.  I am so lucky to have them...and they make the day worthwhile every day.  I have a lot on my plate there...things I need to do, get done....and sometimes when I go home, I wondered if I listened enough to whoever needed me to listen...have I done what I could, what I should for them? That is always my #1 priority.

Today when I arrived, neither of those two girls were in the classroom.  When they returned, they took one look at me and first one...and then the other...started squealing and smiling  and laughing...because I was there.  Imagine that.  That was music to my ears.  They know now...that I listen to them.  They know what to expect of me.  They know what goofy, silly things I am going to try to do....to show them that I am there and I care....and I will always listen.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

~ Stephen R. Covey

   

Home

Today I am thankful for home....a place of refuge, a familiar, comfortable, messy place to return to after your travels, a place that holds people and pets and paraphernalia that you love, a place that brings you peace and joy. A place that has seen laughter, tears, worry, gratitude....a place where you enjoy the people in your life and where you rest and renew for another day's journey out into the world beyond

It has been a long weekend...and even though I am tired and I am having one of those things-are-not-going-my-way experiences...I am so glad to be home!

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” 

~ Maya Angelou

Friends

Today I am thankful for the friends that grace my life...new friends, old friends, friends down the road that I wish I saw more of, co workers, facebook friends. All of you have added something special to my life that cannot be replaced. We are all connected. We are meant to be there for one another...to laugh and cry with each other, support and hold each other... We enrich each others lives by what we can share. We are meant to  be helped up and lifted up by others, and to help and lift up others.  We are meant to be active in each others lives.  I am so thankful for the friends who have been active in my life.

It has been a crazy weekend full of traveling and events and a little stress to add to the fun.  I wrote my thank you status this morning..,,,and as we ran through the day I wasn't sure what photo to post with it.  I am constantly thankful for the many friends that grace our life.  Friends have always been so important to us and we saw a bunch of old friends today.   But in the end, I twisted  the arm of a friend who enhanced our Aida experience by joining us and then later in the day proved himself a hero once again by putting on his superhero cape and coming to the rescue of those in need.  I am thankful that we have been blessed with such amazing friends.. Their existence in the world is constant reassurance of the good that exists in this world.

 "Never leave a friend behind. Friends are all we have to    get us through this life--and they are the only things from this world that we could hope to see in the next."

                                ~ Dean Koontz

Life

Today I am thankful for my life...the good and bad...it has brought me to who and where I am today. I am truly blessed by all the characters in this comedy/drama/adventure that is my life. I am thankful for a full and busy life that is sometimes overwhelming, often confusing, frequently exhausting....but which, most days, I wouldn't trade! I know there will be some cloudy days, as well as sunshine, ahead. I pray I can always see and be thankful for all the silver linings.

Busy day...back and forth to Oswego in one day.  We saw Alyssa dance in a dance she choreographed.  We are so proud of her.  Now, for a few brief hours, I once again enjoy all 3 children under one roof.  Tomorrow more busy plans.  Life gets crazy at times like these...it's busy...but it's a good busy.  Life can be wonderful!! Enjoy the ride!!

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” 

~ Douglas Adams

My Children

Today I am thankful for my children. The one thing I always wanted most was to be a mom. I have always said that if I could have designed each one of them...I could not have created such perfect beings as my children. Of course, I said that when they were sweet babies....when the teenage years hit...I sometimes found a few flaws. I am thrilled to watch them grow and blossom and they inspire me to grow as well...actually it's kind of a sink or swim situation....I need to grow and learn to keep up with them. They are beautiful, funny (if only you all knew....) responsible, creative, smart and loving people....and I am proud to think I have had some little part in their becoming exactly who they are and were meant to be! I love you Cara, Alyssa and Alex

“Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change, you love them as they are.”

~ Isabelle Allende