Friday, December 20, 2013

Yet what I can I give.....give my heart



Today was the last day of work for me.  This is always a big day....full of kids getting gifts from Santa and gift exchanging with coworkers.  I always participate in Secret Santa...and usually do fun themes, and it's the last day of that fun....the revealing, but it's more.  In a way this day is Christmas for me.   It's my Christmas with those people that fate has thrown me together with....the people I see day in and day out.  I always work myself into a frenzy preparing  for the day....and I am totally exhausted when it's over.

And as I lugged all sorts of bags in from the car today, I was thinking about the various gift giving.  Before this year, I had basically worked in the same room for many years...staff and students drifted in and out.  Over the years we have done gift giving in different ways.  There were times, when everyone exchanged, times when we picked names....and then one year, I just felt the money being spent was getting out of hand.  My friend Bill suggested a home-made Christmas.  So, I used whatever authority I had, and declared that it would be a home-made Christmas...we would give to everyone but the gift had to have some type of home-made component. Some people thought it was a great idea.....some not so much....but I persisted, saying that it was not our job as co-workers to make Christmas dreams come true, but to exchange tokens of affection.  And on and on....over the years this tradition continued....

This year, I found myself in a totally different class with a totally new group of staff and students.  As the Christmas season neared, the conversation began about how to handle gift giving at Christmas.  Some people liked my homemade idea....and some did not.....just wanting to pick a name and buy for one....and some, apparently just 'yessed' me and did what they wanted.  I was concerned about the money issue... because none of us have money....as a matter of fact we don't have it at all.

I, of course, baked...like a crazy lunatic....but when the day comes that I am not baking like a crazy lunatic at Christmas time...I will know for certain I am ready for the old age home.  That is just Christmas to me.  So we all brought our gifts in today.  One person crafted, one made a holiday snack, one person put together home-made gifts...but was not happy about it...and somehow didn't feel proud of it, didn't feel it was good enough.  And then there were the two people that just yessed me and bought for everyone.

I truly appreciated the hand made gifts...but then again, I love anything that has been made with me in mind.  I also loved the store bought gifts.  The one person I felt bad about...was the one person who had complied with my wishes...and made gifts...but really had just wanted to go shopping.  But, honestly...I loved the little gifts she made...I really did.

I gave a gift today to someone who is only in our room on a very part time basis...and not an employee of our school.  She seemed so surprised and delighted that I had included her....and that made me happy.  Then I thought of this adorable person I see during my work travels.....who handed me this huge gift bag full of scarves and hats she had knitted and other goodies for my girls.  I was so surprised...and so touched that she thought of me....and then there was the teacher down the hall that handed me a little something that I just wasn't expecting.

I got to thinking...that we all feel differently about giving gifts....some people feeling very happy to shop for gifts...and others enjoying the creating of gifts.  I thought about all of this...about the gifts I had received, the gifts I had given.   When it comes right down to it....it doesn't matter what your preferred way of gift giving is....I guess that will always be as different as all the people and personalities that we are.  What is important about giving....is that it be with a sense of joy....and excitement and be heartfelt....and not feel like a burden...like something you are expected to do....because that isn't giving.  And tonight....I feel badly for my friend who made adorable little gifts that her heart wasn't in....and somehow.....next year.....I will have to figure out how to do this gift exchanging so that she is able to give with joy as well.

Of all the things that I have brought home these past couple of days, the things that mean the most to me .....the gifts that I will cherish and remember....are the gifts that can't be contained in a package.  The unexpected gifts that come with an expression of thanks or friendship, the hugs, the kisses, the knowing that something you have said or done has touched someone and communicated to them how important they are....which is why you wanted to give them a gift in the first place.....those are my favorite gifts.....those gifts of the heart.

Christmas can be commercial and all about the amount of money spent....but it doesn't have to be.  What makes the gift special....is the heart of the person who is doing the giving....and wanting so much for it to bring some joy....and maybe that gift is a piece of jewelry or a new gadget or a home-made ornament, or a baked good....or maybe it's just a stupid mug with some chocolate in it.  No matter what it is....no matter what level of finance is involved...the important part of giving....is to wrap up a piece of your heart right along with the gift.  Some day that gift may outlive its value or usefulness...but the feelings that were communicated through the act of giving will live on.


“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” 
~ Dr. Seuss


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