Goodbye July

Today is the last day of July and I am saddened.  Saying goodbye to July is like ending a Saturday night.  The next day is Sunday....and try as you might to enjoy it, you know that  Monday follows close on its heels.  Tomorrow is August 1st.  And with the dawn of a new day...thoughts turn to back to school and real life...because the start of the school year....and schedules and routines loom large and dark ahead of us. Gone are the carefree days of summer...visions of beaches and sun and barbeques and picnics...and although we still have some summer left, we are now also concerned with details like back to school shopping, returning to college, and jobs and apartment hunting.  As long as July was here, we thought we had time....because it was summer.  But suddenly, as August arrives we are jolted back to reality.

So I bid a fond farewell, to vacations, carefree days at the beach, the promise of endless leisure time, corn on the cob, strawberry shortcake, hot air balloons...and all the other joys of our summer.  I thought we had more time to paint those chairs and take some day trips...but August is here, and we must start planning for the fall.  I will enjoy these last few days of summer but there will be the shadow of reality hanging over them.

"Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language."

~ Henry James

Catching up

Such a fun night catching up with our dear friend Meghan!!  A sweeter soul can not be found anywhere...

"What do you most value in your friends?

Their continued existence."

~ Christopher Hitchens

Growing up

Tonight we were looking through baby pictures...and I was amazed, yet again, at how my little girls have grown up.  Each into their own person, in some ways so very different, and in others so very much alike.  I want always to keep them close, to keep them right here.  But that is not the way life is supposed to go...that is not how it is supposed to be.   All this time, my job has been to raise them to eventually live their own lives....so with some regret...with a large measure of hesitation....I untie the apron strings...and let them fly in the wind.  But I keep that garment on, with those ties ready to be grasped when the winds are rough and one of my babies needs to hold on for a bit before trying their wings once again.

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."

~ Dorothy Parker

Remembering...

I miss these times.  I miss visiting good friends and catching up and laughing and being by the water.  I miss being lulled to sleep by the sounds of the water right outside the window.  I miss my children....who were still children and not adults.  To me...this was always the best part of summer.  There was a peace found in these days spent with those you love by the water.

"Time flows away like the water in the river"

~ Confucius

The journey

I snapped this while driving on a deserted road in the adirondacks this past week.  (Don't try this at home, folks).  I had journeyed quite a distance already that day, and had still quite the journey ahead of me.  I wasn't really anxious about it though.  I was feeling at peace and as relaxed as possible given that I had already traveled 300 miles and had about that much more ahead of me.  I looked around me at the beautiful scenery and I really enjoyed the ride.  I really enjoyed the journey and was less concerned about when and where and how the journey would end.

I wish I could be this way about life's journey, less anxious about what tomorrow will bring, and more able to just enjoy today.

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."

~ Ernest Hemingway

Game Night

We love getting together with the cousins to play games. I can't think of too much we do in this life that is more fun....and brings us closer together, and makes us laugh and creates memories untold then our game nights.

"Life is more fun if you play games."

~ Roald Dahl

Sunset sky

Yesterday was a long day of driving through the Adirondacks.  I hadn't driven those roads in such a long time and had forgotten how beautiful that part of the world is....or maybe I was just never able to really see and appreciate the beauty before.

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."

~  Rabindranath Tagore

Road Trip Reminiscing ~ July 24, 2013

I was on the road for 11 -12 hours today and my travels took me to places and people I had not visited in quite awhile.  Tonight as I lay down my weary head, I am certain that my eyes will close before I get to replay all the thoughts and images in my head.

"We do not remember days; we remember moments"

Where did they go?

Here are my loves...in summer 2008 and now.  I see glimpses of their earlier selves when I look at them...and I see whole new ways in which they are changing, evolving into the grownups they are becoming.  I never saw it happen...one minute they were pretending and laughing and sitting at the kids table and the next most of them are in college and beyond...and I just never realized that my babies were growing so fast...

"Where'd the days go, when all we did was play?  And the stress that we were under wasn't stress at all just a run and a jump into a harmless fall."

~ Paolo Nutini

A letter...

Dear Uncle Walter,

I think about you all the time, but I especially thought of you tonight.  I got up the nerve to take Alyssa out driving.  She's 19 and she wants her license.  As I was sitting there in the passenger seat, I remembered you taking me out driving at the age of  21 when no one else would.  I was thinking about you and your laugh and your jokes and that beloved Brooklyn accent.  I was tempted to open the window of the car and "mooooo" out of it, but we weren't on a deserted country road, and I didn't know what Alyssa's reaction would be....so I refrained.  I thought about you this weekend, when I picked up and dropped off Alyssa's friend who was visiting.  She came by train...and sitting in the train station brought back so many memories of you and I thought about all your years working on the railroad....and your collection of train paraphernalia.  I guess it's no coincidence that the first place you took me driving was down by the train station.  I remember you talking my ear off about how there used to be a working train station there, as I, white knuckled and hunched over the steering wheel, sped along at 10 miles an hour.

Today is not your birthday or any other special day, it's jus an ordinary, every day, but I was thinking about you and I just thought I would tell you.  It seems like the days that I grew up were simpler ones....and you were always a part of them.  You were there from the time I was a little girl taking me on my first "date" and buying me my first"drink"....you were there as I grew up always supporting me...and always there with a new joke.   I'll always remember the one and only time I had the punch line that made you speechless.  I don't think I ever said thank you for all you were to me, I know you never expected one.  I am so thankful......for having you as  such an important person and loving me and making my life richer.  I know you are in a good place now,  with no more pain, sitting around drinking some beers and telling jokes and stories to a lot of gorgeous angels... all sitting around you.  That thought makes me smile...but it doesn't make me stop missing you..

"How will I be remembered by my children? This is the true measure of a man."

~ Brian Herbert

Allie Cat

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'MY GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that! " 

~ Dave Barry

Enjoyment

We went to Rita's tonight.  I had never been, thinking it was just another ice cream place.  Rose, Alyssa's college friend, had grown up with the Rita's experience growing up in PA, but has not had Rita's in awhile since there are none in upstate NY.  So we came and it was yummy....and I am fairly certain I will be going back sometime soonish.   

Rose is here because she went with the girls and one of Cara's friends to a Taylor Swift concert in Philadelphia last night.  I am happy to report that the girls loved the concert and had a safe trip to and fro...as well as getting to spend a short amount of time with my brother.  And now, tomorrow morning, Rose heads back home and then comes Monday...and we go back to the grind...

But during this weekend there was relaxation and excitement, rest and laughter... and we will be ready for Monday when it comes.  We have enjoyed life and we have enjoyed each other....and those are sweet moments of life indeed.

"Enjoy when you can and endure what you must."

~Johann Wolfgng von Goethe

Fun

I am so blessed to be surrounded by some of the very best people at work.  Today was a fun day...and boy did we have fun on our scavenger hunt...with the exception of me...I am up late still trying to determine the winner!!

"When he worked, he really worked.  But when he played, he really PLAYED."

~ Dr. Seuss

My family

"Insanity runs in my family, it practically gallops."

~ Cary Grant

22

This was my baby.  My first.  It was with her that I tested all kinds of instincts and theories about being a Mom.  She was the only one, until recent days, who really got to have me all to herself.  I remember just sitting and watching her...all her little stretches and the little grimaces on her face...I always wanted to remember what she looked like and what it felt like to hold her in my arms.  I watched her grow, I worried when she was sick or hurt.  I worried about everything...she was my first.  We both had good days and bad....and we have somehow made it through...and today...she's 22!!  And although I have memories and photographs of birthday parties and halloweens and first days of schools and oh...so many Christmases...and memories of  how she would go to any man as a child, and how she used to run down the hall to her room after stealing just about anything in the house...and how she asked me "what pink mean?".   Despite the fact that I remember school teachers and school projects and dance lessons and marching band and best friends ...and those kids who made life unbearable....I still do not know when all of this happened.  I remember being so worried about her first day in kindergarten....and I remember dropping her off at college...and I still don't know when it happened...when did my baby girl grow up?

I watch her now...and think about the sweetness that was always a part of her.  Sometimes it's hard to see...amidst the sarcasm and attitude developed in the teenage years.  But it's always been there underneath it all.  I am proud of the fact that she has always been her own person...in her own very quiet way.....and truly respects people who refuse to be anybody but themselves.  She makes me laugh as I think about how obsessed she is about music and movies...especially Disney.  She loves Taylor Swift.  She loves Broadway.  She loves to scrapbook.  She loves to read.  She loves cats....we call her the cat whisperer, because I haven't seen a cat that doesn't take to her.  She loves giraffes.  She loves the beach.  She loves her friends...and she chooses them the kookier the better.  She loves kids and loves to be around them.

We have always said about Cara that once you burn your bridge with her there is no rebuilding.  Other females in our family, present company included, sometimes have too soft a heart and forgive way too many times.  Cara will give you a chance...but don't you dare take advantage.  She has always known her own mind.  She may be quiet....but she is not wishy washy...and you will not be able to easily talk her into something she doesn't want to do.  She has a good head on her shoulders.

She likes to talk in foreign accents.  She likes to laugh with her sister and bug her brother.  She loves board games with family.  She loves her family.  She loves Christmas...but no one is allowed to play Christmas music but between Thanksgiving and December 31....because it will make her want Christmas to come faster and she doesn't want to wish her life away.  She loves the girlie things.  She loves to wear dresses and she loves the Disney princesses....even at the age of 22!  She loves nail polish.

We have had good deep, philosophical talks about just about everything in life.  I am sure that sometimes she walks away rolling her eyes....  We have laughed too...and we have laughed hard...   And there have been and will be lectures....and I know she rolls her eyes at those.  And we joke about all kinds of things...

And I hope...as she grows up...she keeps all of this tucked away in a corner of her being.  I hope she refuses to change for anyone but herself. I hope she keeps her sweetness.  I hope she has a life filled with love and joy and peace...and that her troubles are few..

She is 22 today...an adult!!  I will keep her close....if not geographically....then in my heart.  I will pray for her safety and happiness.  I will guide her to the best of my knowledge...and I will always, always love her and miss her dearly when we are not under the same roof.   She is my first.  I will never stop worrying.  I still don't know when it all happened.  I don't remember a moment when suddenly she wasn't a baby anymore, but a young woman.  Maybe that moment will never come for me....or maybe for me....she will always be both.

Tonight

"There's a sunrise and a sunset every single day, and they're absolutely free.  Don't miss so many of them."

~ Jo Walton

Waiting for the sun...

Sometimes the sky appears cloudy....and for as far in the distance as we can see.....it looks like there are going to be storms.  But it is especially at those times that we need to hold on to the hope that the sun will come out again and we will once again feel it's warmth and light.

"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise."

~ Victor Hugo

Adulthood is highly overrated...

Today we got together and celebrated our family's two college graduates...Cara and Elizabeth... They are making plans, and starting jobs and looking for jobs and starting grad school...and in so many ways starting their adult lives.  My niece leaves to her new life in two days.  I told her I can't believe she's all grown up...she's an adult.  "Adulthood is highly overrated", she replied.  Amen!!  I couldn't agree more.

As children we wish to be more independent, more in charge of our life...and then when that day finally comes, we realize all the responsibilities that go along with that...and how very complicated life can often be.
We set out with plans and dreams...we set out down a path and our road twists and turns and we wind up in places that we were never expecting.  The life we envisioned back when we were young...isn't necessarily the life we end up with.  We started out full of dreams, idealistic and ready to change the world...and then we learned about the politics of just about every situation.

If I could wish anything for these young women...it would be that they keep an optimistic spirit...no matter which way the path seems to lead. I wish that they always realize that the most important thing about life...is not the job, or the house or the car or the money...but the people in their life...family and friends...who love and support them...and who they will support in return.  I wish that they will always find something to love about their life,  that they will find a way to reinvent themselves when necessary.   I wish for them a fulfilling career...but also hours spent making memories with loved ones and days exploring new places and new people.  I pray that they will always remember...that everyone they encounter....EVERYONE.....has a story...and each story is important and worth listening to.

Above all, I wish them a heart full of love....and eyes to see the silver linings in clouds...and every day as a new opportunity, and the knowledge that they are not in this alone.

"I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughing."

~ Herman Melville

How I wish

Tonight I wish that I were near the beach, that I could feel the breeze and smell the salt water.  I wish that I could just stand there with my feet buried in the sand and be in it's presence and let it renew me and give me hope and strength.  How I wish I could be near the beach right at this very moment.  I truly need it's inspiration.

"Wherever people go to find peace - that's what I find in the ocean."

~ Willow Aster

My teenage boy...

Yup...here he is...wearing an eye patch...and not because he's pretending to be a pirate...but because he has a corneal abrasion. The patch might also be covering the cut on his forehead....and did I mention the jump off the stairs where he went unresponsive and I was one digit away from a 911 call?  Not to mention a few wipeouts on his bike...

These are only the incidents where he shows visible scars....not the many incidents that make me age by the second and leave invisible scars...like all the last minute assignments that almost didn't get done and the struggle (on my part) to get him to do them, and the ones that I don't know about that were never completed; like the battle that is trying to get him up every morning....and trying to respond to his BS artistry and penchant for argument...when I myself, desire harmony.

Tonight I am hoping and praying that I have what it takes, to see him through to adulthood...to keep him alive  (although I will admit to you that it is not infrequent that I ponder Bill Cosby's quote: "I brought you in this world, and I can take you out.") ; and, in fact, help mold him into a responsible, caring adult.  I have often said, that when he walks across the stage to receive his high school diploma, I will bend down, kiss the ground and raise my arms toward heaven.....telling the Lord my task on earth has been completed and I am ready to go home.  Why though, am I starting to think...that the task will not be completed for a few years after that?

"My many years of living have not made the actions of teenage boys any less enigmatic."

~ Avery Williams

Sleep...

"Finish each day before you begin the next, and interpose a solid wall of sleep between the two."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Laughter

"I love people who make me laugh.  I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh.  It cures a multitude of ills.  It's probably the most important thing in a person."

~Audrey Hepburn

Magic

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.  Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

~ Roald Dahl

Up there

"The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious.  And why shouldn't it be? - it is the same the angels breathe."

~ Mark Twain

Hope Floats

Several weeks ago, I was already getting excited and gearing up for the Hot Air Balloon Festival.  I have always loved them and have always gone to see them whenever I was able.  Many a morning I have awoken to that familiar sound of hot air being breathed into the balloons overhead, and as soon as I could process what was happening...I was up and outside trying to see and be part of it.  That can't be said for too many things in my life...a morning person, I am not. and I awaken grudgingly at best for any other reason.

As I was talking about the balloons, a friend seemed surprised that I had such a love for them.  A risk taker I am not and many have been shocked, to hear that riding in a hot air balloon is way at the top of my bucket list.  "What do you love about them?" My friend asked.  I had to think about it.

I have always thought they were just so beautiful....the bright colors dotting the sky...the quiet...the serenity...

Today I thought about it some more. As I drove to the walkway, there was always the possibility that the weather conditions wouldn't be favorable for their take off.  I wish I could tell you the scientific reasons, but the balloons take off around dawn and dusk...and the weather conditions have to be just right.  You stand and watch them, and hold your breath for them...as you see them transform from masses of fabric on the ground.  They are blown some warm breezes, they become inspired, and take on a whole new form..  Then you see them lift off, but like a toddler just learning to walk, they sometimes take awhile to get their bearings and get going.  Finally they are in the air.....it won't be a long trip, and who knows where or when it will end....but during the flight...there in the middle...is just pure beauty.   Their bright colors floating through the sky.... It is as if they have risen to a place above the madding crowd.  They have left all the busyness and details and stress and responsibilities down on the ground...and they float peacefully above it all, somehow knowing that upon their landing, it will all still be waiting.  It is a calm above the storms below.  It is somehow separating yourself from all the junk and getting in touch with what is really important in your life, your heart, your soul...

It is about not stressing and worrying and complaining about the troubles of the day....but somehow knowing and trusting that when the conditions are right, the waiting will have been worth it, and everything will just work itself out in the way that it is supposed to.

Whether in a balloon, or simply just standing and watching them....I find my faith renewed, my spirit lightened and my hope, which may have been lost, found.  I am told that hope floats..  So I stand quietly, serenely, lightly and wait for it to float my way.

"Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts.  So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope the chance to float up.  And it will."

~ Steven Rogers

Summer Nights

"I love how summer just wraps it's arms around you like a warm blanket."

~ Kellie Elmore

Happy 4th of July!

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

~ Nelson Mandela

Fireworks!!

Waiting for the fireworks!!

"You gotta ignite the light and let it shine 

Just own the night like the 4th of July"

Cause Baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go " oh oh oh"

As you shoot across the sky -y-y"

~ Katy Perry

My room mate

Those of you who know me well will be quite amused at my room mate tonight as I visit family.  Hint: it's not Alex!'

"Do one thing every day that scares you"

~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

The Beach

"Time spent at the beach is never wasted."

"Don't grow up too quickly, lest you forget how much you love the beach"

~ Michelle Held