22

This was my baby.  My first.  It was with her that I tested all kinds of instincts and theories about being a Mom.  She was the only one, until recent days, who really got to have me all to herself.  I remember just sitting and watching her...all her little stretches and the little grimaces on her face...I always wanted to remember what she looked like and what it felt like to hold her in my arms.  I watched her grow, I worried when she was sick or hurt.  I worried about everything...she was my first.  We both had good days and bad....and we have somehow made it through...and today...she's 22!!  And although I have memories and photographs of birthday parties and halloweens and first days of schools and oh...so many Christmases...and memories of  how she would go to any man as a child, and how she used to run down the hall to her room after stealing just about anything in the house...and how she asked me "what pink mean?".   Despite the fact that I remember school teachers and school projects and dance lessons and marching band and best friends ...and those kids who made life unbearable....I still do not know when all of this happened.  I remember being so worried about her first day in kindergarten....and I remember dropping her off at college...and I still don't know when it happened...when did my baby girl grow up?

I watch her now...and think about the sweetness that was always a part of her.  Sometimes it's hard to see...amidst the sarcasm and attitude developed in the teenage years.  But it's always been there underneath it all.  I am proud of the fact that she has always been her own person...in her own very quiet way.....and truly respects people who refuse to be anybody but themselves.  She makes me laugh as I think about how obsessed she is about music and movies...especially Disney.  She loves Taylor Swift.  She loves Broadway.  She loves to scrapbook.  She loves to read.  She loves cats....we call her the cat whisperer, because I haven't seen a cat that doesn't take to her.  She loves giraffes.  She loves the beach.  She loves her friends...and she chooses them the kookier the better.  She loves kids and loves to be around them.

We have always said about Cara that once you burn your bridge with her there is no rebuilding.  Other females in our family, present company included, sometimes have too soft a heart and forgive way too many times.  Cara will give you a chance...but don't you dare take advantage.  She has always known her own mind.  She may be quiet....but she is not wishy washy...and you will not be able to easily talk her into something she doesn't want to do.  She has a good head on her shoulders.

She likes to talk in foreign accents.  She likes to laugh with her sister and bug her brother.  She loves board games with family.  She loves her family.  She loves Christmas...but no one is allowed to play Christmas music but between Thanksgiving and December 31....because it will make her want Christmas to come faster and she doesn't want to wish her life away.  She loves the girlie things.  She loves to wear dresses and she loves the Disney princesses....even at the age of 22!  She loves nail polish.

We have had good deep, philosophical talks about just about everything in life.  I am sure that sometimes she walks away rolling her eyes....  We have laughed too...and we have laughed hard...   And there have been and will be lectures....and I know she rolls her eyes at those.  And we joke about all kinds of things...

And I hope...as she grows up...she keeps all of this tucked away in a corner of her being.  I hope she refuses to change for anyone but herself. I hope she keeps her sweetness.  I hope she has a life filled with love and joy and peace...and that her troubles are few..

She is 22 today...an adult!!  I will keep her close....if not geographically....then in my heart.  I will pray for her safety and happiness.  I will guide her to the best of my knowledge...and I will always, always love her and miss her dearly when we are not under the same roof.   She is my first.  I will never stop worrying.  I still don't know when it all happened.  I don't remember a moment when suddenly she wasn't a baby anymore, but a young woman.  Maybe that moment will never come for me....or maybe for me....she will always be both.