Words to live by

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” 

~ Mother Teresa

Challenging times

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” 

~ Maya Angelou

Searching for direction

Tonight I am feeling a little lost and confused about which direction to go, which path to take.  The answer is unclear.  I will close my eyes and say a prayer.....and starting tomorrow I will put one foot in front of the other and follow wherever the path may lead.

“You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.” 

~ Tom Hiddleston

Upward

“I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.”

~ Charlotte Brontë

Connected

I think it's worth remembering....and therefore bears repeating from time to time....that we are all connected.  There isn't much that we do in our lives that doesn't affect somebody in some way....maybe for the better....but not always.  Every word, every action has a reaction of some kind.  Therefore....we need to try to take the high road whenever possible.  We need to live our lives in a thoughtful and purposeful way...and with respect for those who inhabit the planet with us.  We aren't always going to agree with everyone, or get along with everyone.  There are going to be some tough situations that test our character and resolve....but we must try to reach out our hand to grab hold of our neighbor's.....even when it seems the most impossible task.  It is in lifting them up that we keep our balance and our face toward the sun.  We must strive to maintain a forgiving and open heart.  Sometimes we will stumble. But we need to remember.... that even though we don't like to admit it....we can not live this life alone, in solitary....and even if we could.... life wouldn't be worth living.

“The important element is the way in which all things are connected. Every thought and action sends shivers of energy into the world around us, which affects all creation. Perceiving the world as a web of connectedness helps us to overcome the feelings of separation that hold us back and cloud our vision. This connection with all life increases our sense of responsability for every move, every attitude, allowing us to see clearly that each soul does indeed make a difference to the whole.” 

~ Emma Restall Orr

Back at school

It has been a long day, but she's back in Oswego ready to start a new semester.  Neither of us were ready for her to go.  But I am so proud of her and all she has accomplished.  The next 45 days will fly by and she will be home again!!  Until then....all of us here will be missing her and anxiously await her return.

“...it’s not just the person who fills a house, it’s their I’ll be back later!s, their toothbrushes and unused hats and coats, their belongingnesses.” 

~ David Mitchell

Home

Alyssa goes back to college tomorrow.  I know she is already missing home...even before she leaves.....but home will always be here....and in fact, is always right in her heart, no matter how far her travels may take her.

"Perhaps love is like a resting place, A shelter from the storm, It exists to give you comfort, It is there to keep you warm, And in those times of trouble, When you are most alone, The memory of love will bring you home."

~ John Denver

Trying to keep warm

The weather is harsh tonight....and I think I will curl up under way too many blankets and let myself rest....safe and warm inside.....trying to forget that winter exists.

“Always choose the adventure ... unless, it's chilly outside and there's a cup of warm coffee resting near a book and comfy sofa.” 

~ Barbara Brooke

Five quick ways to warm up

Ways to keep warm during this freezing weather:
1.  Bundle up in warm sweaters.
2.  Spend time with someone you love.
3.  Share love with someone in who needs warmth
4.  Let the memories of special times and special people warm  your heart.
5.  Share those memories and warm the heart of another.

 In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths.” 

~ George R.R. Martin

Cold

With every thing in me I am trying to plod through this winter, finding something good and promising and beautiful in each day.  Right now.....I feel so cold and so tired....that seems to be the theme of this week...frozen exhaustion!  But I do believe in the promise of  Spring.  I am excited at the possibility.  I know that if I believe and look forward it will come.....and it will be wonderful!!  So for now I will think warm thoughts and try to find a reason to not pass out every night right after dinner.

“The place felt cold, as if there had never been warmth or light or laughter inside it.” 

~ Cassandra Clare

Marching Musings

Alyssa and I have been reminiscing and watching old marching band videos.  It is preparing me for my jump back into Marching Band life....as it looks as though Alex will be giving it a try next year.  Honestly, I can't wait.  It is thrilling....though exhausting, to be a part of it all and watch the growth that occurs in my kids as part of the experience.  Some of my most precious memories of my girls has been watching them while involved in Marching Band....at practice, on the bus, on the field.....  The value of that experience for them can simply not be measured.  Looking forward to a few more years of it!!

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much” 

~ Helen Keller

Reach out

“Funny thing how when you reach out, people tend to reach right back. 

Best, then, to make sure your hand is open and not fisted.” 

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

Sister bond

May they always be there to hold each others hand and guide each other through this crazy journey called life.  May they always find each other through all the crazy confusion.  May they always find their way back to each other.

“Nothing in this world compares to the comfort and security of having someone just hold your hand.” 

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

Sister Time

I braved the weather and delivered Alyssa safely to Yonkers to visit her sister for the weekend.  I love it that they are so close and such good friends.  They are polar opposites in many ways....and yet the same thread runs through them.  They understand each other, even if they do occasionally get annoyed with each other.  They are always there to defend each other, listen to each other, have fun with each other....and simply love each other unconditionally.

I pray that no matter where life takes them, no matter who they are surrounded by, what type of life they lead......they will always make time for each other.

“There were once two sisters who were not afraid of the dark because the dark was full of the other's voice

across the room."

~Jandy Nelson

Sunset on today

Today wasn't our favorite day.  It was one of those days where one thing after another came to try to punch us in the face.  One mishap after another, mishaps and bad moods, and a good dose of discouragement crept in.  It was one of those days when we were....collectively....just done!!  And then we saw this sunset.  I pulled over to the side of the road to try and capture it.

It reminded me that despite the little disappointments, despite all the things that can somehow go wrong....it is still in so many ways...a beautiful world.  It held the promise that we will get through the rest of this day and tomorrow will be brighter.  It reminded me to let go of the junk of life and concentrate on the true blessings of life....one of which is certainly being blessed enough to witness a sunset as glorious as this one!!

“But playing your music as loud as you want and coming home drunk aren't real life. Real life, it turns out, is diapers and lawnmowers, decks that need painting, a wife that needs to be listened to, kids that need to be taught right from wrong, a checkbook, an oil change, a sunset behind a mountain, laughter at a kitchen table, too much wine, a chipped tooth, and a screaming child.” 

~ Donald Miller

The Weather Forecast

The weather forecast is not promising.  It is hinting at more sub-zero temperatures and snowstorms.  I am wondering if I will have any  spring break from school this year.  The good news is the days are getting longer....and I know that even though it sometimes seems like it, this winter will not last forever.  63 days until Spring!!!

But who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand.” 

~ Jerome K. Jerome

Our dear friends

Tonight we bumped into some dear friends.  I started thinking of them all...and the times we spent together in simpler, and yet busier days. The years have marched on....and we have moved past duck costumes, dance practices, carpooling, sleepovers and band competitions.....and so much more.  Tonight, I mourn for the loss of it all....and for the loss of them all in my every day.  But I feel so blessed to have spent the growing up years together.....and though we don't see them in every day life anymore...they continue to hold a very special place in our individual hearts.....and the heart of our family.

“Strange, how the best moments of our lives we scarcely notice except in looking back.” 

~ Joe Abercrombie

A promise to my children

I always promise my kids, that as they grow older, they are going to have their hands full.....because I intend on being a feisty old broad.  I have promised to give them just a taste of the mischief that they have given me throughout their growing up.  I think it's more than just an empty promise...... a pipe dream, because in my Dad's hospitalizations at the end, I don't think anyone could characterize him as a "good patient"....so it's in the genes.....no stopping it now.  A dear friend of mine re-introduced me to the poem below....and I post it now.....as a promise to my kids.....that the best is yet to be  (tee, hee....)

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick flowers in other people's gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickle for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple. 

~ Jenny Joseph

“Just because you’re grown up and then some doesn’t mean settling into the doldrums of predictability. Surprise people. Surprise yourself.”

~ Victoria Moran

Make it your choice

I've been thinking about the situations life presents us with.  I've been thinking about all the people who fill our days....at work, at home, as part of our extended network of family and friends.  It would be oh so nice...if life were always harmonious...if everyone always agreed and got along.  That's not how it always works.  I actually searched all of my pictures to find one of someone who was not looking happy...and I really didn't have much success.  I guess those aren't the Kodak moments I want to capture.  I finally settled on this one...of Alyssa who was getting a little tired of giving her uncle his back rub.

Alyssa and I talk frequently about how to cope when people annoy you....when they do things that get on your nerves, or maybe they are rude.  Or maybe you just plain disagree with them...or don't approve of their actions or choices.  It happens...all the time.  I tend to let stuff go a bit easier than Alyssa...who lets stuff get to her. So we talk a lot about what is important in life....and not letting the annoying little details get you down.  We talk about recognizing that the people and our relationship with them is what is important...and not losing sight of that.

The best advice I ever received went something like this: love is a choice, everyday you have to choose to keep loving....when things aren't going well, when people are least loveable.  I have to admit to you here, that this advice was given to me at my bridal shower...by my dear friend and maid-of-honor.   Unfortunately, the marriage didn't go the distance...but it did last for quite awhile.  And in many ways....following that guidance, has helped us to get to a better relationship today...and get past someof the hurt and ugliness.

I have found this advice to be so wise and true.  There are many times when people are just plain unloveable.  They are disagreeable, cranky, rude, selfish, stubborn....  I stop and consciously think sometimes that this too will pass.  That my relationship with them will survive this day and this moment.  If I want to have a healthy relationship...I need to move past it with as little drama as possible....with acceptance and forgiveness.  I'm not saying that is easy.  I'm not saying that I have perfected that.  But I do believe it is something to aspire to.  So often I will listen to someone tell me about a family incident, or an incident with a coworker or neighbor.  We get so hurt by what was said or not said or should have been said.  We get so hurt when people don't meet our expectations...because they are just themselves....and human.

I tell my kids all the time....go ahead ask them.....ALL THE TIME...  I tell them that now when you live under the same roof, you disagree, you fight, but you have to get over it because you all have to function in this place.  But there will come a time, as  you grow up and lead separate lives, that you will disagree, you won't understand where the other is coming from.  You won't understand the other's lives and choices. You'll be annoyed sometimes. And at those times you have to ask yourself what is more important.  Is it more important that you win? Is it more important that you are the one who is right? Or is it more important to let it go and have a relationship with your sibling? Obviously, I believe the answer is the latter.  We all get on each others nerves sometimes.....but I think we have to be kind and forgiving and  realize that we all in live in this space together...and being family or friends or whatever...is more important that whatever may cause us to not.

So that's my message at the end of the day.  Take a few minutes to let the junk go, and remember that what is important is usually a who....and all the other stuff can be let go and worked out.  And by living that way, I am pretty sure .....when it comes to the very end of all our days, we will have far fewer regrets.

"What I've come to learn is that the world is never saved in grand messianic gestures, but in the simple accumulation of gentle, soft, almost invisible acts of compassion."
 ~ Chris Abani

Bedtime

I miss those nights when all my babies were tucked in their own little bed safe and sound.  I could go and stand in their door, by their bedside...and watch them sleeping...and say a prayer of thanks, for these busy, growing beings.....who were my blessings.

Now, as I lay my head down, I don't know where they all are or what they are doing.  I pray that they are safe....and send a kiss and a prayer to them...wherever they are.

"Somewhere out there

Beneath the pale moonlight

Someone's thinking of me

And loving me tonight....

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky"

~ James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil

Maybe this is what I'll see....

This was always one of my favorite sights, my favorite times....and I miss it.  Often I will look at my kids and I will see various snapshots of them on their journey to where they are today.   Those indelible images of them that are etched on my heart.  Maybe, when I look at them tonight and say goodnight.....maybe.... I will close my eyes and this is what I'll see.

“Glance into the world just as though time were gone: and everything crooked will become straight to you.” 

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The best laid plans

We had plans for this weekend.  We were excited. People were going to visit.  There were going to be reunions.  We were going to do get some jobs done.  But just as the weather has taken a drastic change, the winds decided to blow the plans all over the place and none of that is happening the way it was originally envisioned.

And now someone came home sick from school.  Weather interrupted some plans.  Travel plans became difficult.  Other forces interfered with our plans.  We are just going with it.  It will all work out as it is supposed to.  There has been a lot of reconfiguring and making new plans.  We keep in mind...that it is the health, safety, happiness of those we were making the plans with that is most important after all.  We continue to head into this weekend making our plans up as we go...and just enjoying the weekend and some time to rest.

 But we will keep making plans and looking forward to any time we can spend with those who are important to us.  Sometimes the sun will shine on those plans and other times the wind will scatter them all over the place. And we will run and gather them all up and start all over again.

“All human plans [are] subject to ruthless revision by Nature, or Fate, or whatever one preferred to call the powers behind the Universe.” 

― Arthur C. Clarke

Jim

This is where all the trouble began.  Right here.  I tried to be a good mother....I truly did.  An innocent visit during the holidays to visit my dear friends Wendy and Ellen who were in town with their spouses/boy friends...turned into a lifelong friendship between Jim and Cara.  I am not sure if it was this visit.....or the year after....when Cara came home using a slang word that I had not taught her.  She was too young for preschool, didn't spend a lot of time at day care.  So I asked her where she learned that word.  "Jim", she said.

Fast forward a few years and we were at Ellen's wedding having a grand old time.  Jim and Cara renewed their friendship and bonded....until there were broken promises, a little girl looking out the back window of the car all the way home from Massachusetts...and no Pocahontas movie or Orange soda to be had that night.  I do think that was a broken promise he lived to regret, though!!

Jim....and Wendy too, have been a part of all the kids lives...even though often we have just seen them for one weekend during the summer...they were great weekends which live on in the memories of the kids and make Jim and Wendy pretty special to them.  We have been thinking of those times at the lake(s), and Jim and Wendy.  We have been talking about how we miss them....and how it's been too long since we've seen them.   Memories swirl around in a sweet and loving mist.....and then I look at this picture....and think that maybe Cara would have turned out to be a sweet girl....if only for those Jim influences.....

What would life be without the colorful friends in our lives?  Jim is all kinds of bright colors....and he can take a joke....and give it right back.  But we just want to tell them both that they are in our minds and hearts these days.....and we miss them and love them!!

“A person walks into a room and says hello, and your life takes a course for which you are not prepared. It's a tiny moment (almost-but not quite-unremarkable), the beginning of a hundred thousand tiny moments and some larger ones.” 

~ Anita Shreve

Packing up Christmas

Some people can't wait to be done with Christmas.  As soon as the new year comes, they are packing it up and putting it away.  We always wait until early January.  In many ways I am done with Christmas also.  The rushing around and buying and wrapping and all of the things that I wish I could do and give, but can't afford.  I was ready to be done with Christmas in many ways.  When Cara left to go home last weekend, Alyssa and I did a mass clean out of junk food.  It all looked and sounded so yummy at the beginning of December...but one month later...we felt fat and guilty....and out it went, with promises of healthier diets.

 Still, there is something so sad about taking Christmas down and packing it away...and I never look forward to the task.  It has been a really good Christmas...and though in some ways I am done...there is a part of me that doesn't want to let the spirit of it go.

On Monday, when I got home from work, I lamented that I should probably start de-decorating the tree....but I just didn't have it in me.  When I got home yesterday, the tree was all de-decorated with all the ornaments neatly packed away.  I remarked that we should probably take the tree out to our burial spot for trees of Christmas past...but it was so cold, we would wait until today.  Today, I got home, and for reasons which I can not understand, I was just used up.  The thought of hauling the tree outside to the woods, was not a thought I relished.  I walked in and looked around and the tree was gone and all of the other directions were taken down, packed away...ready to be lugged to the basement where they will sit and wait patiently to be part of our Christmas next year.  "You took that tree out all by yourself?" I asked Alyssa?  I must have asked several times...I couldn't believe her little 5 foot self managed it alone.  But she did...and apparently, her much taller, stronger brother stood in the window, watching her.....shaking his head in sadness and disgust and denial....that Christmas was truly over.

A couple of years ago, we had to reconfigure our routine a little bit,as our old practices were no longer necessary since all three kids had become..........enlightened.  Our practice now is, that the kids take turns....  on a rotating basis.   Two go to bed, and one acts as an elf to help the guy in the red suit get the job done.  This was Alyssa's elf year.  I am so thankful for my little Christmas elf.....who also helped me pack Christmas away and in so doing.....has helped me look forward to 2014.....keeping the Christmas spirit of loving and giving in my heart.

“For last year's words belong to last year's language

And next year's words await another voice.

And to make an end is to make a beginning."

~ T.S. Eliot

Where did they go?

Where did they go? These two little girls of mine? Back when this photo was taken, who they were was still a mystery that I waited to unravel.  They have grown up to be two totally different young woman...but the same thread runs through them.  I pray that as they venture out into the world....as life changes for them, they will always hold on to each other....to the things that bind and bond them.  I pray they will always laugh at the happy memories,as well as the not so happy ones... be there for each other...and that the answer to each others questions will always be love.

“I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always, 

As long as I'm living, 

my baby you'll be.” 

~ Robert N. Munsch

A year's growth

I seem to be looking at Alex a lot lately...and wondering if he is growing by the minute...or if it's just my imagination....  Everything about him seems to have grown this year...not just his height...but I do see hints of maturity....just hints, and then he does the whole one-step-forward-two-steps-back dance.   But that's ok...it's enough to give me hope.  I have had to buy him new clothes about 3 times in the past year or so....3 times!!  But it really hits me when I compare the cousin pictures from last year and this year.  Last year, the picture shows the girl cousins not looking to enthused that he has surpassed them height wise...and this year...he is creeping ever closer to his cousin, Andrew.  It has been eye-opening, amusing, frustrating, confusing...to watch my little boy begin the journey toward manhood.  But, I have to say...despite the fact that he seems to be allergic to doing anything I ask most of the time....I have seen real growth in him this year....not just in stature....and I can scarcely remember the little guy that he was in a time that seems not so long ago.  He's 'the real guy, the best guy'...and we still have some work to do...but I am so proud of the good, funny, kind, honest, enthusiastic, talented man that is trying to break through the middle school guy shell.  Here's to all the growth of any kind that is yet to come in 2014.

“Maybe you have to live under cover for a while before you can find your true character.” 

~ Hugo Hamilton

Do you want to build a snowman?

Alyssa and Alex took a detour after taking out the garbage and built a snowman or two today!!  So glad they had fun doing this together!!  We loved the new Disney Movie Frozen.  And this just reminded me of that adorable song....  although our scene had a happier ending!!

If you aren't familiar...and would like to listen....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G0xEnuUeVc

"Do you wanna build a snowman?

Come on let's go and play

I never see you anymore

Come out the door

It's like you've gone away"

~ Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez

Baby it's cold outside!!

Baby, it's cold outside....and I am ready for a long winter's nap!!

“So when you're cold

From the inside out

And don't know what to do,

Remember love and friendship, 

And warmth will come to you.” 

~ Stephen Cosgrove

Happy New Year

Today, while I was stranded inside, I worked on a New Year video to a song that has been playing and playing in my head.  To watch it you have to click on the Play On You Tube link.  I hope it works for you....consider that my blog for today and I hope you enjoy!!

You know, one of the tragedies of real life is that there is no background music

~ Annie Proulx

78 days 'til Spring

On this cold and snowy day, I have remained cuddled up inside.  I am thankful that I didn't have to be out in this weather. I am thankful that all 3 of my children were safely tucked inside with me.  I am thankful for the extra time....for time to rest. I am thankful for the friends I have spoken to or communicated with.  I am thankful for the time we have spent, the games, the laughter, the family time.....which has kept our souls warm as the snow and wind have wreaked their havoc outside.

Although I am no big fan of snow....there isn't much I can do about this storm, except to make the best of it.  I hope and pray that everyone that has had to be out in it...has been kept safe and warm.  I know that winter is part of the scheme of things....the cycle....I get all that....and though I am grinning and bearing it to the best of my ability...I am also very anxiously awaiting the arrival of light and new life and...Spring!!

“So all night long the storm roared on:

The morning broke without a sun;

In tiny spherule traced with lines

Of Nature’s geometric signs,

In starry flake, and pellicle,

All day the hoary meteor fell;

And, when the second morning shone,

We looked upon a world unknown,

On nothing we could call our own.

Around the glistening wonder bent

The blue walls of the firmament,

No cloud above, no earth below,

A universe of sky and snow!” 

~ John Greenleaf Whittier

Forward

I would like to say that today was a day spent planning for and marching forward into 2014.  It wasn't....it was more of a rest and gain strength for that march.  We relaxed from all the busyness of our holidays and planned (Alex and I, at least) for possible return to the routine tomorrow.

But....as I have been pondering what the weather will hold for tomorrow...will there be school....or will I have an extra day....I have also been pondering the new year.  I have been preparing myself for things known and unknown which may come my way.  I have been summoning up strength and thinking of all the blessings this year has brought.

It made me think of a song...and I almost tried to start a little photo project with it...but knew I just wouldn't have enough time...but I will post it below so that you can listen...and maybe it will inspire you as it inspires me.  I am ready to walk forward into 2014.....even if that means driving through some snow tomorrow...because I know that what is always the most important in life...are those people who we are connected to...and who make this life worth living.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr4g0UK3Fas

"This Is The New Year"

Another year you made a promise

Another chance to turn it all around

And do not save this for tomorrow

Embrace the past and you can live for now

And I will give the world to you

Speak louder than the words before you

And give them meaning no one else has found

The role we play is so important

We are the voices of the underground

And I would give the world to you

Say everything you've always wanted

Be not afraid of who you really are

Cause in the end we have each other

And that's at least one thing worth living for

And I would give the world to you

A million suns that shine upon me

A million eyes you are the brightest blue

Lets tear the walls down that divide us

And build a statue strong enough for two

I pass it back to you

And I will wait for you,

Cause I would give the world

And I would give the world

And I would give the world to you

This is the new year

A new beginning

You made a promise

You are the brightest

We are the voices

This is the new year

We are the voices

This is the new year

A new beginning

You made a promise

We are the voices

This is the new year

~ Ian Axel