My biggest critic

It has occurred to me recently, that one of my biggest flaws...and as flaws go, I have many...is the fact that I don't always believe in myself.  I doubt myself.  I often feel inferior.  I don't trust myself.  As I look back at life, I think this fatal flaw has probably held me back from many opportunities and possibly from many people.   I never think I am good enough.  Maybe I was too young, or too old, too this or too that....or whatever.  I didn't let some one else make up their mind about me....because I had already decided that I just wasn't.... enough.  And when I did meet with criticism.....I gave in to it....and didn't stand up for myself.  I have always been my biggest critic....and a harsh one at that.

After 56 years, that's not such an easy thing to change, and maybe to some degree it will always be a part of who I am.  I have traveled through life always seeing someone who is better....always feeling I didn't quite measure up.  But, be that as it may...I know that I can't be my best self if I choose to continue looking at myself that way.  I can't be the person I am capable of  being.  I will not achieve my potential in any area if I am always looking down at myself or back at past failures. And what is perfection anyway?  It's a judgement made by someone....and always up for discussion.

And so today, I have decided that I have to try and break that cycle.  I have to learn to accept a compliment.  I have to do my best and accept that it isn't all going to be perfect....but there will be much that is good...and valuable.  It will be one step forward and two steps back, and there will be times when I am irritated or frustrated at myself for good reason....I think there are times when critiquing ourselves can help us grow...but not to the extent where it stifles growth.  That will be the challenge....to achieve some sort of balance in that area.  And the challenge will be to be kind and gentle with myself...as I am with most everyone around me...realizing that I, like everyone else, has something beautiful to contribute to this life.....and it won't always be perfect...but if it's from the heart...then it is perfect enough.

“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you're worthy of the trip.” 

~ Glenn Beck