Him or me...

Honestly, some days I am pretty sure it is going to be him or me.  Raising a teenage boy is probably the most challenging, frustrating, anger-producing journey I have ever taken.  There are some days when I see glimpses of my sweet little boy, but let's be real......he was only a sweet little boy about 30 minutes out of every 24.  He has always been a handful.  But now, the attitudes, and saying what ever he has to so that I  "get off his back", and the constant fascination with those blasted video games.  I am not sure if I am up to the task.  I have joked, that when he walks across the stage to receive his diploma, I will kneel down, kiss the ground and stretch my hands into the air, beseeching God "Lord, take me...my job on earth is done".  If there are any of you out there that have some secret to turning him into a respectful, responsible, law abiding, member of society...I am all ears...because on days like today...I don't have an iota of energy left for the task.

And then just when I am so completely done with him....he does something sweet, or says something sweet....and I try to hold onto that anger...because he really deserves it...and then I feel myself softening.. and part of me screams " No...don't back down, remember what he just did, remember what he just said".  And there are those times when I see the decent part of his personality blossoming, when we have a heart to heart about something important...or when I realize how funny he is.  

They say God never gives you something you can't handle.....well, that may have been true until now...because I can't handle it...I am tired, he is exhausting every inch of me.  Someone please tell me when he is going to turn into a human being?

But...I am trying to remain positive and enjoy life....so I will get a good night's rest and after the morning battle of getting him up and out the door...I will thank God for all my babies....and I will vow to encourage and nurture and make the best decisions I can...to try to guide him toward the right path....and I may go out and stock up on chocolate for days like this.

" In spite of six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything.  You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage."

~ Bill Cosby