Trick or Treat

For me the real joy of Halloween is not gruesome, scary decorations.  I stopped at a Halloween store last weekend for one little item and could not believe the amount of gory and grotesque...and animated decorations.

For me the joy has always been in the dressing up as a child or getting the little ones all dressed up as some other character, adding layers under said costume, taking photos and then armed with flashlight and trick-or-treat bag....stumbling through the leaf strewn yards and up the steps of a lighted porch  filled with pumpkins. "Trick-or-Treat"...and then the pay off...chocolate!!  Any endeavor that ends in chocolate has to have some value.

When tired little legs and heavy bags were evident, we would trudge home and struggle to get the costumes off before the candy eating commenced.  I will never forget the year Alyssa discovered candy.  I had tried to keep candy from her when she was little...trying to be a good mother.  The Halloween when she was 2, we arrived home from trick-or-treating and she settled at the top of our raised ranch stairs as I was trying to get Cara out of her costume and me out of mine...and she started eating her candy.  I looked over when she was on her 3rd or 4th piece. She just sat there on the floor...half in her costume, half out... quietly eating candy with this expression of discovery and pure joy on her face, as if to say "where have you been all my life?"  But that isn't what is fun about getting back home from trick or treating.  We loved when the doorbell would ring...and we would get to see all the adorable little ones and get to give out the candy.

No shrieks and screams of terror at our house...  Just cute, often themed, character costumes, pumpkins and of course candy.  Those are my memories of Halloween.  I don't really get trick or treaters anymore.   I have no little ones to take trick-or-treating these days.   I kind of miss it.  Although, it is quite a bit cheaper.

But I have my memories of costumes and characters from days gone by that are sweeter than that chocolate.

"Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can possibly want and hold."

~ Judith Olney

Wicked

Today is the 10th anniversary of the Broadway show Wicked.   I thought I would pay tribute to Wicked....and the Wizard of Oz, while honoring Halloweens gone by.  . In this house we are huge fans of both.  I have seen Wicked twice...and just like the Wizard of Oz...could see it over and over!!

"So I'll be back for good one day

To make my life and make my way

But for today we'll wander and enjoy

One short day in the Emerald City

One short day to have a lifetime of fun"

~ Stephen Schwartz

Grown up

Tonight is one of those nights....I am exhausted and spent...and didn't know what I would post here.  I have been texting Cara on and off all night.  I have been laughing at some of the things she comes out with....her reactions to things....and just smiling at her spirit and the things that make her Cara.   I went in search of a picture to post and I found this one...  No matter how old she gets, no matter how independent, no matter how far from home....I will always think of her as my sweet little girl.  It seems fitting, that this photo was taken on our first visit to NYC...and now she goes there twice a week.  Life is full of changes.  Life is always evolving, but it is somehow so comforting, to see Cara....all grown up...and yet still so very much her own unique self.  My little girl still...even though she's all grown up.

"And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.....

I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)"

~ e.e. cummings

The real ones after alll...

Each day at work we receive a little bulletin...and we anxiously look at the weather and the quote of the day. You may have figured out by now that I love quotes.  I really liked today's quote...which got me thinking about the simple things in life...that truly are the real ones after all...

I think we all tend to over complicate things.  There is lots of planning, organization, extravagant events, spending and travel.   I am not saying that is all bad....because I would so enjoy the opportunity of being a little extravagant.  But when you come right down to it...the simple things...that do not require much money....are the real things....the ones that matter.  A smile shared, A laugh, an outstretched hand, an unexpected little kindness, an understanding look, a call from an old friend, an invitation, time spent together...   All these little acts of love are really the glue that hold us all together...that make everything else have meaning and make sense.

As we look toward November...I am starting to think about all of the many blessings in my life....there are so many.   But the true blessings are the simple things in life....the little moments...which are so much more than they may appear and give true meaning to the larger things happening around us.  Yesterday, my daughter and our friend and I dressed up for Halloween.  The costumes were great, the photos were....great(?)...but what really made the experience what it was...were all those little things.  The love, the friendship, the laughter, the jokes, the conversations, the anticipation, the excitement.....all shared between us...it was those little things that made it into such a big thing...so memorable for us all.

The simple things....there is not much in this world, that I wouldn't trade to spend time...just spend time doing nothing with my kids....my loves.... at the beach.  Just us and the shore....and all that we are together...for me....that's what's real.

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."

~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

Come, we fly...

As I look at this photo two things immediately strike me: #1 Oh to be young again, #2 Note to self: black hair does not become you!

Earlier this fall, I witnessed Cara and her friend Kelly getting excited on facebook about Halloween and wanting to dress up as the Sanderson Sisters from Hocus Pocus.  As I was talking to Cara, I realized she was quite serious. They had a couple of problems...they needed to find one more person for the third sister, and they could dress up but had no where to go.   Cara and Kelly just graduated from SUNY Plattsburgh this spring and have both located in the metropolitan NY/NJ area.  Neither of them have met a whole lot of people...and didn't really have any Halloween event to go to.  I am a Mom who is always trying to offer help to my kids.  Before I knew what was happening, I was the third Sanderson sister and we were going to a costume event at our church.  Kelly and Cara were coming home for the weekend.

We have had a wonderful weekend, although I honestly feel like I have not stopped moving since Friday night.  We all watched Hocus Pocus last night to get in character...and have truly had a wonderful time together.  Our costumes were a hit....but what was almost more exciting for me...was watching how excited and how much fun the girls were having.  The girls are enroute back to their new homes and routines...and have left me with the duty of making sure I share these pictures before they get home.  So, I came up to the computer to share these pictures, and part of me is thinking of telling them that they accidentally got deleted...because, although the girls look fabulous...I look just plain scary.  If you know the movie Hocus Pocus, you know that all the Sanderson sisters are quirky....but I think my character is particularly so.....and so this is the result.  I think I need a "mirror mirror on the wall" that will tell me the truth: "Nancy - don't go out of the house looking like that".    Sometimes, I forget that I am not 22 anymore...and dressing up sounded like a good idea...and it was fun, before the pictures snapped me back to reality.

And in the end...what matters is not how ridiculous I look....but the fact that we had fun planning and anticipating....and we had fun being together....and of course there was candy involved...how can that not be fun?  And there are two young women, who are going back to start their week...in places that are still new and sometimes lonely...who are happy to have been "home" and who have recapured a bit of their childhood this weekend.  And there is a tired old mom, who misses them already!

Cara's choice of tonight's quote: "I put a spell on you" ~ Hocus Pocus, but I went a different route...

"No woman ever ages beyond eighteen in her heart."

~ Robert A. Heinlein

In Training...

I have been through training tonight...professional development... for my role tomorrow as Mary Sanderson from Hocus Pocus.  I thought we were just dressing up, but apparently it is much more involved than that. So happy to have Cara and Kelly (umm...I mean.... my sisters...Winnie and Sarah)here.  Tomorrow should be fun..   The characters in this house have been spending the day getting into character.  This is very serious business!! Stay tuned tomorrow for photos of the big event!!

"Come little children, I'll take thee away; into a land of enchantment.

 Come little children, the time's come to play: here in my garden of magic."

~Sarah Sanderson, Hocus Pocus

The Halloween spirit

I'm not sure how it started, but when the kids were little we always used to dress up in themed costumes and go out trick or treating together!! Ahhh fun times!!  I am trying to remember...but I think this particular year, Alex was a baby and he and I stayed home..while Little Red Riding Hood, Grandma and the Big Bad Wolf did the trick or treating.

 I  never really practiced the custom of dressing up scary and gory...  That is just not part of who I am.  But we came up with some fun costumes over the years.  I am not much for scary movies, and truly don't understand people who love horror flicks, or write and produce them.  For me...Halloween will always be dressing up in fun costumes...and getting candy.  I will steer far away from the haunted houses and haunted hay rides.  Though I miss these days of little ones toddling out the door in anticipation of a sugar high, the spirit of the holiday seems to live on in my girls, who get ultra excited for all holidays...and are still planning to dress in costume this year!!

"There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch."

~ Robert Brault

Memories...

Where did these days go?  I look at this photo and try to remember when they were this age.  I don't know when they grew up into smart, beautiful, strong, unique, charming, witty, talented, loving young women.  Wherever they are right at this moment, I am thinking of them and I am so proud of my baby girls.

"Happiness is anyone and anything that's loved by you."

~ Charles M. Schulz

Anticipating Christmas

I have some friends that have been counting down the days til Christmas for awhile now.  My daughters have been doing some serious anticipating .  At work today we were discussing, gift exchange and Christmas traditions.  I don't actually welcome all this talk of Christmas.   It's not that I don't like Christmas....actually, Christmas is my favorite holiday.  People always used to tell me that Christmas was my holiday...because it was all about giving...and I love to give.  But times are tough for everyone right now...and Christmas requires money.....money that I, unfortunately, don't possess.  So talk of Christmas just becomes stressful.  I know I am not the only one.  I know there are many out there like me that just aren't sure how they are going to keep up with the bills, let alone do Christmas.

Christmas is a lot of things....it's carolers and lights and trees.  It is special food, for me that means baking like a crazed maniac. It is the time when it is ok to let people know how much they mean to you, without them looking at you funny.  It is family.  It is a celebration of faith....of love and joy,  It is decorations and traditions that you only pull out of storage once a year. And the music....the music that you hear only for a few weeks of the year, but that touches you in a deep place.  But it is also Santa Claus, and gifts under the tree...and shopping, shopping, shopping and wrapping....and the anticipation of what will be under the tree.  And at least for me...the joy of giving to those I love...of seeing them receive something that delights them.

And so, with all this in mind, I have been doing some serious stressing lately...because how can we have Christmas...when there is no money?  I have been brainstorming ways to make more money...absolutely ridiculous ways...  And here's the thing that gets me upset: I think that what I do for a living is right up there as some of the most meaningful work one can do. I try to live a good and honest life.  I keep plugging away...one step at a time...one struggle at a time....but it all comes to a head...when you look at your bank account....and just don't see how you are going to do Christmas.  And I have been stressing and worrying and trying to problem solve....

And tonight Alyssa called me.  We are always texting, but she doesn't always call, she had some life issues she wanted to talk over.  There was something about hearing her voice, talking to her about life....that made me stop and realize that she and her sister and brother are the best gifts that I have ever been given....and they didn't come wrapped up under a tree.   I realized that we are all gifts to each other...and that the true gifts at Christmas and all the rest of the year...are the people that celebrate it with you.  I think of my incredible family, my coworkers...who are exceptional beyond words,  my amazing students,  friends and neighbors who are just remarkable and make my life rich beyond measure.  These are the gifts of the season...the time spent with all the incredible people we are given.

And so, when the time is right, I am going to throw myself into the Christmas spirit.  I am going to get the tree and put up the lights and do some baking and follow traditions. and  I am hoping and praying I will find a way to put some gifts under that tree.  But even if I don't, despite the failure and disappointment that I will feel, I will still know, and remind myself...that the true spirit of Christmas cannot be bought.  The best gifts under the tree are the ones who pose for photos in front of it.  The best gift you can give... is, always has been and always will be.... love.

"What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.  What if Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!"

~ Dr. Seuss

Happy Birthday Vick!

Happy Birthday to my dear friend Vicki...my college roommate, matron-of-honor, Cara's godmother...and sweet soul that put up with my weirdness for oh so many years...and introduced my kids to chocolate chip pancakes!! Whenever I was feeling down, whenever I was in doubt....she was my own personal cheering section.  No matter what I said or did, she was understanding and forgiving. She is unconditional love!!  Always there in her sweet way.   I miss her.  We don't see as much of each other as we did in younger days, but I think about her all the time and always blow my love her way!!

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."

~ Dinah Craik

24 years ago

This was me 24 years ago today.  You may wonder, given the circumstances, why I would post this photo today.  I think I posted a similar photo last year when I was doing my 365 project.  The reasons are many...good memories, embracing the past, moving forward....  This was a truly happy day and there were many good times to follow....not to mention the gift of my 3 extraordinary children.  On this day something was begun, a committment was made, the future was alive with possibilities.  The story however, didn't end as planned.....as it sometimes doesn't. We gave it our all, to the best of our abilities...and it just wasn't enough.  But it happened....it was a happy day,  and good times came of it and good things came of it.  I will always have happy memories of this day, enjoy the photos of dear ones who are no longer with us, and be thankful for my blessings and mindful of the lessons I have learned along the way to where I am today.  I am grateful that today, 24 years later, we have arrived at a place where we can be supportive of each other and be there for our children.  I consider that to be our success...a happy ending.

I look at that girl in the picture....I try to remember her...she seems so long ago and far away.  I try to remember....her hopes and dreams, what was in her heart....  I look in the mirror and I can't find much resemblance to her anymore.  But I know that despite the way I have changed and evolved...and hopefully matured as I have aged...I know that we still believe in the same ideals....her and I.  If anything, life has taught me that my instincts and beliefs about life were right from way back then.  In some ways, we remain the same.....idealistic, too trusting, optimistic.  I think I have found a greater purpose in life than she had back then.  I think I have developed a confidence, courage, fortitude and faith,  that she did not possess.  I envy her innocence, her hope...  I know she imagined the story of her life somewhat differently   I stand here today knowing that life changes and so do we, and you have to be willing to accept those changes and move forward.  But I think that all the parts of her ...the things that truly made her who she was...are still present in me...and I hope I am able to hold onto her spirit as I continue to travel down the road of life.

" I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."

~ Douglas Adams

Give and you will receive

It has been a very productive weekend...I got my mojo on.  I accomplished all sorts of tasks around the house that just needed to be done...and I find myself wishing tomorrow weren't Monday...so I could stay home and keep at it.  For those of you following the leaf saga and the whining I have been doing about my stress in getting rid of the leaves, here is the update.  The leaf population has been significantly reduced this weekend.  There are still some leaves around, and I know that more will cover the ground...but the majority have been blown away.

Here's the moral to the story: Give of yourself to others, and if you need help, sometimes you have to ask. Here's the story, in brief:  when I was first separated a few years back, I was overwhelmed by all the jobs around the house and yard that I just didn't feel that I was competent enough to accomplish.  I couldn't afford to pay anyone to do them...so I just tried to muddle through the best I could.  I have been doing that for a few years now....muddling.  This year, during a conversation, I asked to borrow a leaf blower...and instead someone came over and with Alex's help blew away my leaves.  Without going into too many details....the help came from a very unlikely source...at least, unlikely a few years ago.  But with time...I think if you try to be giving and understanding toward people, to the best of your ability, even in difficult situations....you come to stand on higher ground.  I've found it to be true in all of life's situations and relationships.  So my leaves are blown and I looked outside today and I felt myself relax and say a prayer of thanks...for this person.  I said a prayer of thanks for the leaves that were blown, but also for the one blowing them and the distance we've come in being there to help each other over some of the bumps in the road.

 Sometimes, if you need help...all you have to do is ask.  But it's not quite that easy.  You have to do some giving with a loving, joyful spirit.  You have to think of others before yourself sometimes...and sometimes you have to be the one that starts the giving.  If you give to others with a spirit of love, eventually it will find it's way back to you.  I truly believe that.  I walked down to the pond today....enjoying one more warm sunny day...before the colder temperatures arrive.  I looked at the trees...some have completely lost their leaves...and a few procrastinating ones are holding on, they've waited to show their vibrant colors until the end.  I stood there, feeling grateful for everything I have in life...feeling grateful for exactly where I am. for the struggles and the successes and for all the people who have been and are now in my life and have brought me to this place at the pond.  And knowing for certain that the path ahead....through the winter and into the spring is filled with loving and giving for all those whose paths intersect with mine.

"Giving of any kind...taking an action...begins the process of change, and moves us to remember that we are part of a much greater universe."

~ Mbali Creazzo

Packing up summer

Today I packed away summer.  We brought in the patio furniture,  We stored fire pits, planters, grills, hammocks away from the elements to be enjoyed next year.  Leaves were blown into the woods for hours....and tthere are still plenty left.  I know more leaves will continue to fall.  Today I packed away summer, and did the work of fall....and started bracing myself for winter.  I hear the weather is going to be cold tonight...and become colder this week.  It's time for me to prepare for winter.  

My kids seem to transition from one season to another much more joyfully. They have been happily chattering away about applesauce and pumpkin bread.  Plans for Thanksgiving are now underway....and there is talk of Christmas....the signs are everywhere. But as I packed up summer, I took a moment to think of all it was....to remember the occasions, the trips, the people, the fun, the celebrations that made it so wonderful. And as I thought about what made it spectacular...it really wasn't the weather, or the long days...but it was people.  It seems that some extraordinary people came into our life this summer.  And those extraordinary people are still around....and that is something to celebrate.  I sat here at the computer and looked at the photos and remembered. I started thinking of next year...and making plans of the things we can do when the weather is warm and the days are long, and the nights are relaxing.  But that is a year away and I reminded myself that I need to enjoy today.  I often have to remind myself of that when the weather is cold and bleak.

So as I packed up summer, as I looked at all the photos and smiled at the memories and thought of all it was....I let it go.  I need to follow the spirit of my children...and live in the now and enjoy what is now.  Right now, I am enjoying a sense of accomplishment and looking forward to what lies ahead.  I am ready to enjoy the now with all the special people that I have in my life.  And I will remind myself, as the temperature drops, that connecting with a friend will warm my heart now just as I was warmed this summer.

"Listen! The wind is rising and the air is wild with leaves,

We have had our summer evenings, now for October eves!"

~ Humbert Wolfe

Be you!

Being you is Be-you-tiful!!  Oh so corny!!! It has been a long day....

But there is only one of you and you are surely here for a very special purpose!! Don't compare yourself  to others, don't try to be someone else...just be you!!  Be the best you that you can be....grow, evolve and go forth and carry out your life's work.....whatever it may be, it's important to this world!!

"Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you're born to stand out."

~ Oliver James

The sights of Fall

I am so fortunate to live where I can walk down the street and drink it such beauty!!

"Fall.......The time when everything bursts with its last beauty, as if nature had been saving up all year for the grand finale."

~ Lauren DeStefano

A beautiful view

I went outside this evening and took some pictures of my backyard.  I took the pictures to show all of you why I don't like fall.  This is quite picturesque, but think of the hours upon hours blowing all these leaves away before the snow falls.  I look at this  and think of aching muscles and exercises in futility.

I left the picture up on the screen and went away for a bit to take care of something.  When I returned I just sat and looked at this picture.  And I thought to myself....this is my backyard.  It is really so beautiful, and I am not enjoying that beauty one little bit!  I am looking at the leaves accumulate and I am looking at it with all the negativity I can muster.  I am thinking about all the hours I have spent blowing leaves, only to go inside and look out the window at all that remains.  But what a waste that is.  The leaves may very well defeat me again this year.....as they have every year in the past.  I am not a pro at yard work....that is for sure!!   But look at the beauty literally in my backyard.  The beauty that we see is filtered through our attitude and how we look at the world.   If we look for beauty we find it.   I really am extraordinarily lucky to have this view right in my backyard.

So, I am going to try to push out the foreboding thoughts of leaf removal....and a million other little jobs on my to-do list this weekend....and I am just going to enjoy the colors and enjoy the view for as long as it remains.  I will look out and realize that we can either take life as a gift or as a burden.  The choice to be happy and positive is truly my own....and always has been.

"Use what you have, use what the world gives you.  Use the first day of fall: bright flame before winter's deadness; harvest; orange, gold amber; cool nights and the smell of fire.  Our tree-lined streets are set ablaze, our kitchens filled with the smells of nostalgia: apples bubbling into sauce, roasting squash, cinnamon, nutmeg, cider, warmth itself.  The leaves as they spark into wild color just before they die are the world's oldest performance art, and everything we see is celebrating one last violently hued hurrah before the black and white silence of winter."
~ Shauna Niequist

Missing this....

A photo with two of my favorites!!  I truly miss seeing the friends now that my kids have moved on.  Truly miss my days hanging out with the guard!!

"It takes an athlete to dance, but an artist to be a dancer."

~ Shanna LaFleur

Back to the grind

Tonight I prepare to go back to the grind.  I had some unexpected time off last week, and a wonderful, though lightning speed weekend with my three loves!  I am so tired from all the activity and tonight I gather strength for the week ahead through the memory of laughter and conversations and time together....and the anticipation of the next time we are all together.  The next time promises to be even faster paced than this weekend, but any time spent with these three is a gift.  I am so incredibly blessed to have these three as mine.

"Nothing you do for your children is ever wasted.

~ Garrison Keillor

The gift of Marching Band

I cannot imagine a better day than today!!  A beautiful day, gorgeous fall colors, old friends that feel like family and gorgeous music. We were fortunate enough to attend the Arlington Marching Band Invitational.  It was so enjoyable.... We enjoyed reunions with old friends who are part of our marching band family and spectacular music and marching band shows.

I didn't know much about Marching Band until Cara joined in high school.  I was so impressed by the experiences it provided for Cara and how I saw her grow as a result of the many lessons it taught her.....not all music, but character building.  I witnessed the same thing with Alyssa, although she was in the color guard section of the band. Their role in the band was different, but the gifts it gave them were similar.

Going to see a Marching Band show is kind of like going home.  I watched all those kids on that field.  All performing their show with their whole heart, being part of a team.....an invaluable member of a team that another member can not step in and fill.  They have practiced and marched and are constantly trying to grow their performance.  

I wish more of education were like this... Not the drudgery of common core and regulations to be followed... But creativity and cooperation and following direction and practice for increasing skill levels.  I enjoyed the music today and it struck me that now, perhaps more than ever before, the arts in education is vital to educating our children and encouraging creativity and responsibility.  And the result of all of that is beautiful music and movement that touches the soul!

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent."

~ Victor Hugo

Together

Just a typical dinner at our house?  Nothing makes me happier than all three of my kids home under the same roof.  A weekend too short....but how I have enjoyed it!!

"Siblings: Children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together."

~ Sam Levenson

She's home

It's late and she's tired..we're all tired, but Alyssa is home for a quick whirlwind weekend and we couldn't be more excited!!

"The ache for home lives in all of us.  The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned."

~ Maya Angelou

Compassion

I just know that I am not going to be able to put into words what I want to say tonight.  This is the thing....we never ever know what is going on inside another.  Some people are more transparent than others, we look at their facial expressions and body language for clues about what is going on inside. We try to size people up, try to figure out who they are, what they are about, where they are coming from.  But you never truly know what is going on inside the heart and soul of  another.....the people that pass you on the street....or those closest to you.  You never know what insecurities, fears, demons lurk there.  You have no way of  knowing all the stories...all the experiences that have led them to this moment in time.    It is the one thing, I guess, that is completely our own...our history, our emotions, our reactions, our choices.

We don't know what burdens another carries...and yet we.... all......everyone of us continue to pass judgement on each other.  I know I do it.  I think it is a safety mechanism.  It's how we make sense of the world, it's a self-preservation skill.  But once we get past that animal instinct....we need to stop and think...and realize that everyone laughs and cries and needs love...the giving and receiving.  And this world can be beautiful...but it can also be ugly....and everyone hurts....some more than others.   And everyone reacts to hurt differently and tries to heal that hurt differently.

There is far too little compassion in this world.  We are harsh with each other.  We judge, we tease, we fight, we bully.  I hope that I can choose compassion.  Not just when it's easy....but when it's the last thing I'm feeling.  I can't know the hurt that my friend or neighbor or family member feels, but I hope that I can hold out my hand to someone in need....and make a difference.....if only for a moment.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."

~ Plato

Originals

Today is one of those days when I sat down in front of my blog and just didn't know what I wanted to say...so I started searching for a photo that evoked something in me.  I saw this one and knew this was it.  We just went to see our dear Jenna in a show this weekend...playing a nerdy character, Logainne.  Jenna has been sort of an adopted part of our family for many years...certainly she owns real estate in my heart. Her family are like family to us.   And when these three get together.....oh boy, watch out!!  They have had themed sleepovers....I remember and have photos of a princess sleepover...and this was the nerd sleepover.  Do other young women do this? Have sleepovers and dress up in character?  Well these three do.  They are all....each of them, in their own special way.....one of a kind, uniquely themselves....originals!  I love that.  They are  truly themselves, and haven't let peer pressure try to bend them into someone else.  They aren't really follow-the-crowd kind of girls.  They lead...and if no crowd follows....oh well, they don't care.  I love it that they still love each other, are still in touch...even though life takes them to different places...and down different paths.  I pray that they will always be able to share their beautiful individuality with the world.....and with each other.

"To be nobody-but-yourself -- in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

~ e. e. cummings

photo edit credit: Cara

A glimmer of light

And just when all seems lost....there shines a glimmer of light, and with it hope in life...in the future... is restored.  That glimmer of light may have been the smiles on the faces that greeted you this morning.  It may have been a candid conversation.  It may have been a beautiful day.  It may have been a chat with an old friend.  It may have been the unexpected gift of an unscheduled day.  It may have been texts from your children.  It may have been the realization of all the many blessings in your life.  Whatever it is....you are thankful for it...and look at it...memorize it, feel it....and let it light your way.

" I had forgotten how much light there is in the world, till you gave it back to me."

~ Ursula K. Le Guin

The storms of life

Today was a rainy, stormy day....and it was a rainy, stormy day within my soul as well.  There is so much uncertainty in life now.   Life is throwing me so many curve balls...and I have never been very athletic...so I am certainly not good at catching them or hitting them...or whatever one does with a curve ball.  The future is looking uncertain and a little scary.  I took today....and I let myself just feel it all...I let myself wallow a little and think of options and play out worst case scenarios.  I thought about so many dear ones who are in similar circumstances.  I thought about others whom I dearly love that are struggling with issues in their lives.  I wept a tear for all of us...and I wondered why it must be this way.

 But that is enough of that.  That is going to get me nowhere fast.  All I know for sure is that I have today.  I don't know what tomorrow holds.  So there is no sense in worrying and obsessing over it.  I will put today and it's accompanying feelings of doubt behind me....and face tomorrow resolute in the belief that the sun will shine again.  Today I ran to get out of the rain.  I ran from the storms of my life.  But tomorrow......tomorrow I will dance in the rain...and make the best of whatever life hands me...and believe.  With everything in me, I will believe....that the storm will pass and I will feel the sun shine on me again.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

~ Vivian Greene

Sunday Night Inspiration

It's Sunday night and I went searching for some inspiration, because I am feeling used up and worn out...and I am not sure I can do Monday...but I know I must.  So, I am finishing up some chores and getting some rest and I am choosing to believe that Monday will bring with it beautiful gifts.

"Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing

can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity

to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel

that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything

and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,

and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others

as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past

and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times

and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself

that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,

and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,

not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side

so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 

~ Christian D. Larson

Jenna-Kate

I got to see one of my very favorite people ever in a show at SUNY New Paltz tonight. Jenna has been one  of my favorite people and friends for a few years now.   I haven't had the joy of seeing her on stage in a few years now.  I would highly recommend "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" to anyone looking for something fun to do.  It runs tomorrow afternoon and also the weekend after next.  It was very entertaining and the cast was phenomenal.  Of course my favorite was Jenna, who I have adopted as one of my own years ago.   No matter what she is in, she always will be my favorite.  I just love watching her in action!!   It brings back so many memories of her growing up!!  So much fun to see her perform and so heartwarming just to be able to see her again!!  Love you Jenna-Kate....you will always be one of my very favorite actresses!! 

Just in case you want tickets...   https://www.vendini.com/ticket-software.html?t=tix&e=aca35b3b720f329749d22358bd76fec1

"I love people who make me laugh.  I honestly think it's the thing I love most, to laugh.  It cures a multitude of ills.  It's probably the most important thing in a person."

~ Audrey Hepburn

Autumn sighting

"Love the trees until their leaves fall off, then encourage them to try again next year."

~ Chadd Slugg

Choosing Humanity

Tonight I spent my evening honoring this guy...my boss but more importantly my friend for 17 years.  I should have known my life was about to change, when I arrived home the evening before my first day at my new job to a phone message from Bob, welcoming me and telling me not to be nervous.  And if that wasn't enough.....I should have known, when on my first day he talked to me not about lesson plans and class schedules....but improving the quality of life for these kids.

Tonight there were stories told, memories shared...Bob was humble and gracious about all that he has done...all that he has created in "Bob's School."   We laughed, we cried.  We laughed...because Bob is...well....a one of a kind character...and oh the stories that are out there floating around about him.  We cried....because we miss him in the every day...and because of how very honored we are to know him.

But of all the things that were said tonight....there was one thing in particular, that just sticks with me...that has added to some things being discussed recently between I and my colleagues...and that I just can't shake. One of Bob's friends was recounting experiences of their early days working with kids.  He spoke about kids that were not successful in the regular classroom setting....and how they took them out of the classroom and took them hiking and took them to farms and ..."let them enjoy being human beings."

With all the changes in education and the introduction of the common core....I am left wondering....often ....if the humanity has been taken out of education.  Many people have a story of someone....some teacher who somehow inspired them to be better...go further...reach higher.  Not every teacher is stellar....I have experienced...painfully....some who are not. But for every teacher who isn't so great....there are 5 phenomenal educators who are totally committed to what they do.  The teachers who have inspired have not done it through textbooks, or exams or requirements that needed to be met.  They have done it by seeing something in their student...a spark, or just knowing that a student could do more with a little encouragement or maybe some unorthodox means.  They have used creative ways to engage that student and make them realize their own potential and have helped them strive for more.  I worry that such humanity is being pushed out of the classroom....out of education by regulations and achievement levels and exams.  I worry about the next generation of kids who are losing out on some teachable moments, some inspiring teachers....because those teachers are trying to improve scores and keep their jobs.  It's hard to dance with the devil on your back...my new favorite saying...because that is what I see teachers being asked to do.  And in the end...when humanity is taken out of education...the kids will suffer, and our society will suffer.

And so tonight, I am inspired by Bob... yet again, because he has inspired me a zillion times before, to keep the humanity in my classroom.  In spite of the schedules and achievements and testing....I will do what Bob and I discussed  on my very first day...and what has always been of primary importance to me.  I will do what I can to improve the quality of life for all of my students....and all of those I work with as well.  I choose  to keep the humanity in my classroom.....I will love and laugh and encourage.  I am not saying the other stuff isn't important...but the priority for me is that they "enjoy being human beings."  And when that does not become my priority any more....then I will know it is time for me to stop.

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own."

~ Benjamin Disraeli

Insignificant?

Sometimes it just seems like we are so insignificant.  There are so many people that are just like us.  We're a dime a dozen it seems, dispensable and easily replaced. The world is a competitive place and it's hard....if even possible to get to the top. The world has become all about numbers....and we are just another one.   We look around us at people who are more important, at nature in all it's magnificence, at technology and tall structures and wonders of the world and it all seems to be so much more and we wonder why we are here?  What good can we possibly do in this world?

But it does take all of us in this world.....and where we make the difference, where we are remembered, how we live on... is through the love that we give as we travel this road together.  It is the little acts of kindness that we may  sometimes not even be aware of.  It is the sharing of hours and days and smiles and tears.  It is easing the way for others....holding a hand, a shoulder to cry on, an outstretched hand.   It is sharing life...the joke, the laugh...the kindness shared without being asked....without needing thanks.  It is believing in someone, encouraging them, celebrating with them, and sometimes crying with them and then getting back up and dusting ourselves off and trying again  It is being there...and it is caring....and it is showing someone else....that they are someone to celebrate....that they are important to the world.....because they are important to our world.  I honestly, don't know if there is a greater gift that we can offer.

There is so much good and beautiful...so many wonders within each of us..... and we need to nurture and water those seeds of love in each other so that we may bloom and grow into all that we can be...and share those wonders with each other.  That is what makes life worth living.  That is what makes us valuable...and how we change the world....by loving and giving and sharing.....and that is what makes us stand out as the only one that could live and spread love in our own unique way.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

~ Maya Angelou

Believe

Sometimes we just need to believe that there are better things out there for us...for all of us....even if we can't see them.  And if we do, if we really believe, and face each day looking for the sun, looking for the possibities...then one day we will see the light begin to shine through the darkness to a new tomorrow.

"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls."

~ Joseph Campbell