My superhero

When I take the time out of the busyness of life to stop and  look at him....really look at him and listen to him....I marvel at him.  He was superman to me then.  He is superman to me now....and he always will be one of my biggest heroes.

“Superpowers, don't always make you a superhero."

― Michael Grant

Happy Birthday to my brother

Happy Birthday to my brother Doug!! We grew up together....playing with Barbies and GI Joe.  Making snow forts and riding bicycles....getting into a little trouble....which basically meant me getting into trouble and him throwing me under the bus.  So many memories of Stewarts, trips to the beach, times in college, road trips, summer vacations.....   I will have to admit here, there are times when he drives me crazy....and most of those times it is quite intentional.  When all is said and done...can't imagine life without him!!

"I always thought you were the best

I guess I always will

I always thought that we were blessed

And I feel that way still

Sometimes we took the hard road

But we always saw it through

If I had only one friend left

I'd want it to be you"

~ Dan Seals

All the beauty in my life

I am sure it will come as no surprise to most, that I am really done with this winter!  I, however, was done before it started.  When people were getting all excited about the first snow and snow days....I was the one dreading it....and it appears I had good reason.  I come home most days and my first thought is 'how soon can I get in bed?'  Maybe I shouldn't blame that on this brutal winter.  Maybe I should blame it on being older with less energy , on my stress level, on my list of to-do's that never gets done, on dealing with a lot of changes.....or on not living in a place of comfort, but a place of always waiting for that next curve ball.

In any case, I arrived home tonight, feeling cold and despairing at the anticipation of yet another snow event in the near future.  I arrived home feeling stress and frustration.....wondering when life will take an upturn for a bit.  I really should be doing some paperwork tonight....but I just don't have it in me...and so, for tonight, I will try not to beat myself up if I relax for a short while.

As I sit here.....I  ponder the news of the day, recent happenings, curve balls.....  It would be easy to just sour on life...to just want to throw up my hands and cry 'uncle' and just give up.  But I don't.....and I will tell you why.  I don't because I have 3 extraordinary children that constantly amaze me and make me laugh.  I look at them.......and I see all that is beautiful in the world.  Each day I get to work with the most amazing students.  Their laughter and spirit constantly inspire me.  I look at them.......and I see all that is beautiful in the world.  I go to work and I spend my day, and am supported by, some absolutely incredible human beings!  They are the kind that make you believe in the goodness and beauty that lies in people.  They renew my belief in people.....when it feels like jumping to it's death. They make me laugh, they bring new meaning to lfe, they bring me chocolate.  I look at them....and I see all that is beautiful in the world.  I return home after a long day and look at my puppy, who is so thankful that I have returned to her.  I look at the cats....I count them and am thankful that they are curled up on beds and not walking around in the ceiling.  I sit and I think of my family, of friends I have collected from all sorts of times and places in my life.  I think about them all....and I see all that is beautiful in the world.

There it is!! That's when I realize what I have always known.....the meaning of life, the reason for living.....is the people.   Life is filled with such nonsense.  Our daily reality.....the details, the procedures, the bills, the games.....all the junk that fills our life, sometimes get in the way.  The headlines get wackier, scarier, more disturbing.  It is true...that some of the people we encounter are the cause and part of  the unpleasantness.  And sometimes, you start thinking that all of that junk is what it's all about.......is indeed....life.

But it isn't.  And tonight as I balance all that is good in my life with all that is.....well.....not.  I realize how blessed I am, how grateful I am for all the treasures I have.  And tonight I renew my faith in the possibilities of life.  I renew my faith in the things and people that are good.  I renew my faith that spring will actually come, that buds will bloom, that there will be new beginnings.

None of this means that I welcome another snowstorm.  Or that I won't be climbing under the covers at my earliest possible convenience.  Or that life is going to be all butterflies and rainbows.  It means only that I choose to believe in what is good and beautiful, even when there is ugliness around.....and in my own little way.... endeavor to create joy and beauty and love in my little corner.

“Sometimes people are beautiful.

Not in looks.

Not in what they say.

Just in what they are.” 

~ Markus Zusak

Sleep

“She had always lived her best life in dreams. She knew no greater pleasure than that moment of passage into the other place, when her limbs grew warm and heavy and the sparkling darkness behind her lids became ordered and doors opened; when conscious thought grew owl's wings and talons and became other than conscious.” 

~ John Crowley

Tonight at our house....

Dear Teachers of Alex,

Alex was unable to do his homework last night as he spent the better part of the night trying to locate our cat,. who happened to be in our ceiling, and rescuing her.

I am not sure of the above letter would benefit Alex.  Here's the story.  We are having one of our bathrooms torn apart and redone.  We arrived home a little later than usual tonight, as we both were in dire need of hair cuts.  I had hardly gotten myself in the house when Alex had already ascertained that Lassie was in the ceiling.  I would like to say this is the first time she has had us chasing her in unusual places....but unfortunately we seem to spend a lot of time getting her out of tight places.

A couple of years ago, they were installing new windows and they had removed a floor vent and forgotten to replace it.  Lassie was walking around under the floor boards until we finally coaxed her out.  Lassie is an indoor cat.....she will grab any opportunity to take a little vacation outside.  This almost always ends with her under the deck and an assortment of people laying on each end  of the deck trying to chase her out and/or catch her if she comes their way.  This summer, she fell out of my upstairs window.....somehow she knocked the screen out and once again we found ourselves congregated  on the ground around the deck.

Today, she managed to crawl into a hole in the wall upstairs and onto the ceiling downstairs.  Alex was the hero on all counts....hearing her meowing in the ceiling, never giving up until he found her and then patiently and gently coaxing her and getting her out of there.

So....it was basically a typical Monday in the Besio house!!

“Neither man nor any animal can enjoy life to the full without taking some risks to life or limb.” 

~  Philip Brown

Tomorrow

These three used to be my work buds.  And one by one they have left me for greener pastures.  As I look at this picture I have to laugh.  From left to right....that is the order in which they have left me.  The last one, Kendra begins her new job and new lease on life tomorrow morning.  I have always found it nervewracking, yet exciting.... to step out of the familiar and comfortable and in to something brand new.   I wish her luck and strength and courage as she starts this new chapter in her life.

I have one piece of advice...Believe in yourself....in who you are, and what you know you can accomplish.  Then get right to work and you will do it!!  Go get 'em!!

Tomorrow is always full of the unknown....and of hope.  I hope that Kendra loves her new job and though she may be exhausted and have a zillion things going through her head tomorrow night....I hope she feels happy and excited about all the many possibilities!

I hope that tomorrow brings all of us new possibilities and hope for the future!

“Afoot and lighthearted I take to the open road, healthy, free, the world before me.” 

~ Walt Whitman

Hope

“Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us. ...Hope sweetens the memory of experiences well loved. It tempers our troubles to our growth and our strength. It befriends us in the dark hours, excites us in bright ones. It lends promise to the future and purpose to the past. It turns discouragement to determination."

~ Samuel Smiles

Clouds

“The sun always shines above the clouds.” 

~ Paul F. Davis

Rooting for Spring

Come on Spring!!! You can do it!! You can beat old man winter!!

“Is the spring coming?" he said. "What is it like?"...

"It is the sun shining on the rain and the rain falling on the sunshine...” 

~ Frances Hodgson Burnett

Love my pup!!

So thankful for this beautiful soul who, loves us unconditionally, protects us and brightens all of our days!!

“A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, smart or dumb. Give him your heart.. and he'll give you his.” 

~ Milo Gathema

The sun

The sun.....it seems like we haven't seen much of it lately.  After a day filled with predictions of snow and then snow and then clearing and then snow....all of the sudden there it was beaming through my window.  It brightened up my attitude.  It made life seem hopeful again.  It wasn't up for long.  But I so appreciated it making an appearance today!!

“Do you see that out there? The strange, unfamiliar light? It's called the sun. Let's go get us a little.” 

~ Nora Roberts

Forecast: More Snow

Give us strength!! We will get through this!! There is light at the end of the tunnel!!

“The heart can get really cold if all you've known is winter.” 

~ Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Saving my day

Today I found myself in a bit of a funk.  I don't know whether it is the winter that just won't stop....or just the aging process, but I have been referring to myself as feeling achey breaky lately.  Or maybe it was the reports for work that I didn't feel like doing.  Or maybe it was the depressing look at my bank account.....and all of the accompanying worries that accompany that.

In any case....I was feeling used up, worn out, done, why bother.....  It's usually quiet here on the weekends. Normally, on Sundays,  I am cooking for myself for the week .  I am trying to get everything ready for Monday morning at the starting gate.  But, thankfully I have tomorrow off...so today I didn't really have a lot of pressing tasks at hand.  Maybe that's the problem.  I have so little leisure time, that when I have it....I am not really sure what to do with it.  It's just Alex and I and the puppy and kitties most of the time.

When the girls left, one by one...I wasn't sure what life would be with just Alex and I.  But we've settled into our own little routine.  There are times with Alex that are stressful and frustrating....teenage boys confound me.  There are times when he makes me laugh so hard I cry...because the kid is hysterical...without even knowing it some of the time....the things he comes up with.  But today, he came downstairs, put his arms around me and told me he knew times were tough.  He knew he didn't often thank me for everything I do for him....for all I give him, but he wanted me to know how much he appreciates it all.  I needed to hear that today.  I needed a little hope for the future.  I needed to look at all the beautiful things that I do have. I needed to realize how very blessed I am.   I needed to look at the struggles that I have faced.....and see that truly good things have come out of them.

I wish I could tell you that he always saves the day.   We can't be heroes every day....but he saved my day today.  And I see that little boy turning into a caring young man....for at least a brief moment in time.  I hope and pray that these hard times will soon be a memory.  But today I was reminded that I am not in it alone.

I end the day thankful for all that I have...especially the hero that saved my day today and gave me a reason to believe in tomorrow.

“Don't forget who your heroes are, what they mean to you, and why they mean that to you.” 

~ Gale Harold

The storm's end

As I look at this photo...of the morning after the big storm, even I have to admit that it does hold a certain beauty.  Living it in real life does not hold so much beauty, however.  It is cold, and exhausting clearing all that snow....with nowhere to put it all.  For me the beauty lies not in the white shimmering landscape, but in seeing the sun shining after the storm.  It is the promise that no matter what storms we encounter.....they will pass, and the sun will shine again......and we will be stronger.

“One winter morning Peter woke up and looked out the window. Snow had fallen during the night. It covered everything as far as he could see.” 

~ Ezra Jack Keats

My Valentines

“I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always, 

As long as I'm living, 

my baby you'll be.”

~ Robert Munsch

Snow Storm

I had planned to get a good amount accomplished today...but all I really got accomplished was some shoveling that seemed futile....as Alex observed.  That about did me in for the rest of the day.  I look forward to this storm ending.  I would be oh so grateful if it turned out to be winter's last hurrah!!  But come what may....the important thing is to help each other through it.  I will never forget just after I was separated.  We had a big storm.  I couldn't get the snowblower working.  I was outside shoveling for 8 hours.  I watched all sorts of men come outside, snowblow their driveway and go back in.  I stood there shoveling all by myself.  No one offered any help. So, help your neighbors and your friends...let them help you. We are all in this life together.  No one should be left in any storms trying to survive them alone.

"Then come the wild weather, come sleet or come snow, we will stand by each other, however it blow."

~ Simon Dach

More snow

Right about now, there is not much beautiful or uplifting I can say about snow....actually, from my point of view there never is.  The only joy snow brings me, is in the delight it brings others.  It has no joy or value to me.....especially this winter.......which seems never ending.

"My friend, I am going to tell you the story of my life, as you wish; and if it were only the story of my life I think I would not tell it; for what is one man that he should make much of his winters, even when they bend him like a heavy snow?"

~ Black Elk

Take Me Back

We are huge Disney people!!  I would love to go back there someday.... soon!!  Thinking of going to Florida right now is a beautiful thought....full of visions of fun and relaxation....and heat!!!  Ahhhhh!!  So for tonightI will dream and hope.  Maybe that will be enough to warm me up for now.

“Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever.”

~ Walt Disney

Remembering...

I am remembering my uncles today.  They passed away two years and a day apart.  They were so much a part of my growing up that I took them for granted.  I have been thinking of them these past two days.  I have been remembering the times that we all spent together...the holidays....and the every days.  When I think of them I can still hear their voices.....talking to me as if no time had passed, as if I had just seen them yesterday.  With Uncle Eddie there were never huge greetings.....if I hadn't seen him in months, just the way he said my name..."Nanny", he called me....made it seem as if we had just seen each other yesterday.  Uncle Walter always had a smile and a hug and a joke or a story.  I had heard some before, I rolled my eyes, I laughed.  I always treasured his spirit.

I think that so often we take family for granted.  We just always assume they are going to be there.  One day...we wake up, and they are gone.  We aren't sure when it happened...and why we didn't take more pictures.  We wonder why we just didn't make more time for each other...instead of always running around doing other things that seemed more important at the time.

But they live on in my heart....and in the hearts of my family....and I miss them......with all my heart, I miss them!

“There is no death, daughter. People die only when we forget them,' my mother explained shortly before she left me. 'If you can remember me, I will be with you always.” 

~ Isabel Allende

Monday

It is Sunday night....and I am not feeling mentally, physically or emotionally prepared for Monday.  So I go to sleep with a wish and a prayer, that some miracle will work within me and I will wake up raring to go and conquer the week.

“There are no miracles on Mondays.” 

~ Amy Neftzger

Time to rest

“Rest and peace should not be left until you're deceased. They are two vital life incredients everybody needs and seeks.” 

~ Rasheed Ogunlaru

Day's end

As today comes to a close, I am exhausted....but thankful for what I am able  to give to help others get through their day....and tonight I am so very thankful for those who give to me, 'lift me up and make me better'.

“At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what you've done with those accomplishments. Its about who you've lifted up, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back" 

~ Denzel Washington

Inspiration

Today I have been feeling unsettled....restless, full of stress and discontent.   I have been looking for direction...an answer, an arrow to point the way...some inspiration to make it all seem better.  What I have found was the beautiful souls of some beautiful people that surround me each day, a song that I somehow started singing to myself, the smell of cookies baking, texts from my kids, a compliment from Alex, an inspiring choir practice, Olympic ice skating on TV, a clear sky....and I guess for now....all of those will have to do.  I can't see what lies ahead.  So I am going to believe that is something fantastic!

“Sometimes the slightest things change the directions of our lives, the merest breath of a circumstance, a random moment that connects like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark.” 

~ Bryce Courtenay

Snow Day

I have loved this snow day....with the exception of the shoveling part.  I have managed to accomplish a great deal....and also spend quiet hours relaxing.  So, despite the fact that I have been done with winter since before it began....I must give thanks for this day.

"There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself. "

~Ruth Stout

Hunker Down

We are ready to hunker down and batten down the hatches and all that good stuff and try to ride out this storm....and the one that is promised to follow it.  And as much as I don't like winter, or the snow or cold or dark, or the fact that my spring break is a distant memory even before it arrived.....I will quite enjoy sleeping in tomorrow and having some lazy yet hopefully productive time.  That just goes to prove...that there is hope even in the most depressing situations.  There is always a cloud with a silver lining somewhere...we just have to look.

Be warm and safe!

“Winter lies too long in country towns; hangs on until it is stale and shabby, old and sullen.” 

~ Willa Cather

My reason for living today

When it is cold and snowy....with more expected, and I am counting down the days 'til spring but they are passing a little to slowly....  When I am feeling overworked, underpaid, worried....  When I am feeling cold and tired....  I look in the eyes of my sweet Allie Cat.  I trudge outside to shovel and she thinks it's a game....and soon enough, she wins and I am playing and laughing.  I look out the window at the snow...and I see her...sitting in her favorite spot...looking all around...making sure that no one....no thing is even thinking about bothering her humans.

We still have a little training to do, there are still papers and toilet paper getting eaten.  She still tries to steal cat food and the garbage.  Sometimes she gets in our way when we have things to do, sometimes she wants to play when we don't.  She always wants to make sure of where we are, what we are up to....she always wants to make sure we are ok.  There are those times when she comes in from outside a muddy happy mess.....  And there are those times when I watch her lying so quietly like a sleeping baby....and I just sit and smile and watch her little being...finally taking a rest.

It was a big decision...deciding to bring her into our family.  I gave it lots of thought.  But now...although we still have some work to do...because I am a novice dog trainer...we simply can not imagine our life without our sweet girl in it.

Today....when I needed inspiration....I trudged outside in the snow to do a little snow removal....and I came back in with a grateful and joyous heart.  Love you Miss Allie Cat!!

“In a dog's life, some plaster would fall, some cushions would open, some rugs would shred. Like any relationship, this one had its costs. They were costs we came to accept and balance against the joy and amusement and protection and companionship he gave us.” 

~ John Grogan

The struggle

It hit me today.  You know when all at once....the experiences and conversations of the past few days all converge upon you....and everything just seems to fit together and create a new understanding.

The other day at work, someone had read the quote of the day....and I wish I could remember what it was....but it had to do with happiness.  The discussion was..... you can't begin to think about happiness or what happiness is until you have your basic needs met.  And so many of us these days don't have our basic needs met.  We are worried about the security of having a home, a job that puts food on the table, and keeps us warm and safe.  Everyone seems to be struggling to make ends meet.  Everyone seems to be holding on...in survival mode.  It isn't until our basic needs are met, that we can begin to be happy.

Today I listened as friends shared concerns about finances.  I have been struggling for years now...never really knowing how those bills are going to get paid.  It hit me today....just how much of a crisis finances is for so many people.  I realized that I an not alone.....and somehow that was comforting, and somehow knowing that others struggle made me feel like a little less of a failure.  I choose not to think about a bunch of grown men rolling around on a football field and getting paid way too much to do it....and all of the people that are sitting crowded around TV sets, munching on chicken wings and chips and dip, making their outrageous salaries possible.

Tomorrow I will get up and do Monday....and in the back of my mind....as in every day....I will be trying to figure out how I can make more money, or change my finances so that every week, month, year isn't so much of a struggle.  Perhaps what I, as a person of faith, need to do...is just give that worry up.  Though it may not  make a lick of sense to some...maybe I just need to trust that God will take care of me.  That knowledge will free me up to be  present in each day, each moment and open myself to the possibilities in store for me.

So....to the best of my ability, I am going to try it.  I am going to try to have faith and believe that the best is yet to come for me and those that I love.  I am going to believe that the struggle will lessen and happiness will increase.

“Every single being has an amazing, unfathomable gift that only meeting life head on will reveal” 

~ Mark Nepo

Ordinary

“It occurred to me that if I were a ghost, this ambiance was what I'd miss most: the ordinary, day-to-day bustle of the living. Ghosts long, I'm sure, for the stupidest, most unremarkable things.” 

~ Banana Yoshimoto