I am sure it will come as no surprise to most, that I am really done with this winter! I, however, was done before it started. When people were getting all excited about the first snow and snow days....I was the one dreading it....and it appears I had good reason. I come home most days and my first thought is 'how soon can I get in bed?' Maybe I shouldn't blame that on this brutal winter. Maybe I should blame it on being older with less energy , on my stress level, on my list of to-do's that never gets done, on dealing with a lot of changes.....or on not living in a place of comfort, but a place of always waiting for that next curve ball.
In any case, I arrived home tonight, feeling cold and despairing at the anticipation of yet another snow event in the near future. I arrived home feeling stress and frustration.....wondering when life will take an upturn for a bit. I really should be doing some paperwork tonight....but I just don't have it in me...and so, for tonight, I will try not to beat myself up if I relax for a short while.
As I sit here.....I ponder the news of the day, recent happenings, curve balls..... It would be easy to just sour on life...to just want to throw up my hands and cry 'uncle' and just give up. But I don't.....and I will tell you why. I don't because I have 3 extraordinary children that constantly amaze me and make me laugh. I look at them.......and I see all that is beautiful in the world. Each day I get to work with the most amazing students. Their laughter and spirit constantly inspire me. I look at them.......and I see all that is beautiful in the world. I go to work and I spend my day, and am supported by, some absolutely incredible human beings! They are the kind that make you believe in the goodness and beauty that lies in people. They renew my belief in people.....when it feels like jumping to it's death. They make me laugh, they bring new meaning to lfe, they bring me chocolate. I look at them....and I see all that is beautiful in the world. I return home after a long day and look at my puppy, who is so thankful that I have returned to her. I look at the cats....I count them and am thankful that they are curled up on beds and not walking around in the ceiling. I sit and I think of my family, of friends I have collected from all sorts of times and places in my life. I think about them all....and I see all that is beautiful in the world.
There it is!! That's when I realize what I have always known.....the meaning of life, the reason for living.....is the people. Life is filled with such nonsense. Our daily reality.....the details, the procedures, the bills, the games.....all the junk that fills our life, sometimes get in the way. The headlines get wackier, scarier, more disturbing. It is true...that some of the people we encounter are the cause and part of the unpleasantness. And sometimes, you start thinking that all of that junk is what it's all about.......is indeed....life.
But it isn't. And tonight as I balance all that is good in my life with all that is.....well.....not. I realize how blessed I am, how grateful I am for all the treasures I have. And tonight I renew my faith in the possibilities of life. I renew my faith in the things and people that are good. I renew my faith that spring will actually come, that buds will bloom, that there will be new beginnings.
None of this means that I welcome another snowstorm. Or that I won't be climbing under the covers at my earliest possible convenience. Or that life is going to be all butterflies and rainbows. It means only that I choose to believe in what is good and beautiful, even when there is ugliness around.....and in my own little way.... endeavor to create joy and beauty and love in my little corner.
“Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.”
~ Markus Zusak
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