Family Matters!

I can now breathe a sigh of relief!! Christmas is officially over!!  I love the Christmas season...but too much of a good thing isn't always good.  We had our final family Christmas celebration today...and since it was just family...I turned it into a de-decorating party.  I made them work for their dinner.

As you can see, Cara and my nephew Andrew were hysterical over something.  I wish I could explain what it was...but they share a bond....all of the cousins.  They have their own songs and customs and jokes...and frankly, a lot of it just goes over my head.  It warms my heart, even if I don't always understand it.  They have grown up together and they all have a special communication all their own.  I hope that it will always be this way for them.  I hope that as time passes and they each have their own lives...that they stay connected to each other.  I hope that seeing each other becomes a priority...something to be planned and anticipated.  These cousins are a step away from being siblings....they know each other's family, they know every one's stories.  They are part of one another and being with them is like coming home.

I am big on talking to my kids about everything.  They may think it's like preaching or lecturing sometimes.  But I have many thoughts on many issues.  My parents never really talked to me about life.  So, I take every opportunity to talk to my kids about whatever is going on in our lives.  I give them the views that I have developed over the last 50 something years.  They will develop their own views...but I will certainly give them the benefit of my experience.

I talk to them a lot about family.  There are friends that will come and go in your life.  Some will be as close as family some will move in and out in your life.  Family, as imperfect...and annoying as they can sometimes be....will be there.  My girls are such different human beings.  They have sorted through those differences over the years and have become best friends.  In spite of that, they are still sisters and there are times when they get annoyed with each other.  Right now, they are under the same roof, so they are forced to get over it when an issue arises.  But I  tell them....when they get older, and have families of their own, that might be more challenging.  As different as they are, they are going to go about life differently, have different priorities, make different decisions.  They are not always going to understand or agree with the decisions that each other is making.  When it gets sticky is when the decisions involve family plans or priorities.  At those times...when they just don't understand what the other is thinking, there is a question that must be asked.  What is more important...to be right about this issue, to win the discussion....or to have this relationship...this person.... in my life?  The correct answer...is to have this person in my life.  There are times you will have to bite your tongue, there are times when you will have to make concessions.  In the end, it is all worth it to have the relationship with your sister.

My dad died 2 years ago.  He was terminal, and we spent the last week of his life at his bed side watching him go...my 2 brothers and I.  There were times when we discussed his medical condition. There were times we reminisced.  There were times we discussed the arrangements for when he passed.  But there was much time, where we just sat in silence, took turns holding his hand and watched our father die.  As mournful a time as it was, there was also something very special about it.  Our family had grown, we had spouses and children.  But there was something very special and intimate about sitting there with my dad and my two brothers....just us.  We live in different places and have different demands on us...and never get the time to just be together...my brothers and I.  It was a very special time to just be there with them...to send my dad off.

My wish for these cousins is that they always keep each other in their sights.  That time spent with each other is always a priority.  That they change their schedules, make concessions, make plans to stay in touch....because being in touch reconnects them with the story of who they are.  I dearly hope that the answer to the question asked above..... will always be that they need to have each other in their lives...no matter how differently their lives may turn out to be. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have cousins that they call friends.  It is a blessing in this life.  I dearly hope they hold onto each other always, tightly, with both hands.

" This is part of what family is about, not just love.
  It's knowing that your family will be there watching
out for you.  Nothing else will give you that.
Not money.  Not fame.  Not work."

~Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie