Living for my kids

Tonight we got Chinese take-out for dinner(McDonalds for my picky Alex).  I promised Alyssa that once she could eat again after her wisdom teeth ordeal, I would order chinese.   It is a treat for me...no cooking, no cleaning....time to just sit and do nothing.....which I don't make time for myself to do very often.

I look at this picture of all my babies.  I can't believe...when I take a step back and look at them...how they've grown.  They are, each of them, a miracle.  When I was a new mom, with one little girl, I used to say that if I could have put in my order and planned every detail...I couldn't have done as good a job in creating my baby as God did.  I feel that way about all of my children.  I am always amazed at how unique and different they are from each other. Sometimes that doesn't always seem like a good thing when they are bickering, but I love that they are each unique individuals.  They have each been a challenge to raise...each in their own way.   I feel like I will never be done raising them.  I will always be trying to guide them in the right direction, support them in doing what is right for them.  They will probably commiserate with each other that I am still trying to parent them when they have babies of their own... they will be right.  I have lived life for my kids.  They are everything to me.

I work with a woman who has definite opinions on every subject known to man.  She is very willing to inform of us her views...because she is right about everything.  There is no arguing with her.  Really...all you can do is sit and listen.  I can't help but love her anyway.  One day last week she was lecturing on parenting. She was taking aim at people who said they lived for their kids. She said she lived with her kids, not for them.  I have thought about what she had to say.  That is what I do.  I don't know if it is a strength or a weakness of mine...but I never dismiss anything that is said to me.  I give everything a great deal of thought.

On this particular point, I don't know if I understand what she is saying...but I don't think I can agree with her.  When I was single...I guess you could say I lived for myself.  I lived alone, I had friends, I was focused on my job.  I had no responsibilities.  I really made most of my decisions without having to think about how it affected another human being.  Although, that is not really how I am made...and I am always worried about how things will affect others, often to a fault...still I didn't have to think of someone else with every decision..  When I got married, then there was my spouse to think about.  But on July 16, 1991, at the age of 33, when I gave birth to my first child....everything changed.  From that moment on.....I would never do another thing without thinking of my children.  I have been involved in their lives... I have supported them throughout their schooling, stayed up late working on projects and then lectured about time management. I have been class room mother.  I have helped with fundraisers, I was their youth choir director at church, I have gone on field trips, I have gone on college trips, I have suffered through Boy Scout banquets. I have sold and eaten more girl scout cookies than I care to admit.  I have stepped back when I knew they needed to develop independence.  I have cheered in the audiences of  plays, shows, marching band.  I have encouraged, I have listened to crying, complaining, stories of all sorts.  I have laughed at their jokes and silliness...because they are actually hysterical.  I have stayed up late when they were sick and I was bleary eyed. I have taken too many photos on vacation and every other day.  I have killed myself to make the holidays and birthdays memorable.  I really have cared so much about their happiness and growth and put mine on a back burner. I have done this because their happiness is what makes me happy.   If they are at odds with life or themselves...then so am I. I am not trying to toot my own horn.  Maybe I have been doing it all wrong.  I have NOT simply lived with them.  I have lived for them.  I have lived to raise them into loving, giving, successful adults...and I am sad to say...I am not done yet. I still have work ahead of me.

Maybe I have done it all wrong....but I, honestly, don't know how to do it any other way. I don't understand why you would have children if you wouldn't be willing to sacrifice for them and make them the center of your life.  There will be a day...some day....when they are all living different lives in different places....and although they will always be in my heart, I won't have to consider them with every decision.  But for now....it is my primary duty in life...'to train them up in the way they should go'.

One year at Christmas, I had the name of a long time close friend for our Secret Santa.  He is one of those people....you just don't know what to get him.  This particular year I had a thought.  I passed index cards around and asked everyone to write what they thought about him. I put them all in a little photo album and gave it to him as the last days gifts.  Each entry was different, some funny, some touching.  He joked that he felt he was in some time warp of "It's a wonderful life".  I gave him this gift, because I knew he had no idea how he was valued.  He told me that he was considering taking it to show his mom when they visited over the holidays. I told him to do it...."because no matter how old you are, your mom always wants to know that you are in a place where you are loved and cared for."  I was right.  He was surprised at how his mom read each entry and how much she loved it.

I know lots of great moms out there. ..who live their lives for their kids. I have also met a few that don't.  I am sure there will be many who disagree....but ...maybe, just maybe....if we all lived for our kids...and not just with them...If we gave them all of our attention,time and love....maybem just maybe our world would be a better place to live...maybe...?

" I think when you become a parent you go from being
 the star in the movie of your own life to the supporting
 player in the movie of someone else's"

~ Craig Ferguson