Alyssa and I have been having some interesting and in depth conversations lately about people and relationships. I have been thinking about people's relationships and all the drama that can sometimes be created...in the family, in the workplace...pretty much anywhere that people interact.
I love this photo. It was taken this past June, it is Alyssa and her very dear friend Bradley at a friend's graduation party. If you were to just look at this photo...what is going on here? Are they having a conversation? Or are they silent? Are they close friends? Or not? Are they at peace or at odds? Sometimes it's hard to tell. It really all depends on your point of view...on who you are...as to how you percieve what is going on here. It all goes back to the story of your life. You draw whatever conclusions you will draw...based on your life, your experiences...
Thankfully, I don't think there is ever any drama between Alyssa and Bradley....at least not off stage. I look at this photo and I concentrate on Alyssa....she is my child. I will tell you that she has gone through so many changes since this photo was taken. She was going through so much when this photo was taken.
So much of our interaction with each other is based on assumptions, educated guesses. We judge other people and situations, based on what we have experienced and what we know of life. If I've heard it once...I've heard it a thousand times...and I myself have had the same discussions....we try to 'figure' someone out. We try to understand what drives their behavior. Sometimes we come close, but often that's all we do....theorize. We never come up with anything really concrete...and have you ever noticed...that the more people involved in the discussion, the more theories there are? Let's be honest, oftentimes we don't even understand our own behavior, let alone that of someone else.
I work in a small place....with good people...but people who come from different times and places in life. I think it is a close knit group...and for the most part, people are there to take care of each other. I always call it a dysfunctional family...because one thing we are not short on is drama. It sometimes becomes a vicious cycle...it starts between a couple of people who are misreading each others signals, or misunderstanding peoples words or behavior...and before you know it all sorts of people are sucked into the vortex...and you can barely remember how it started.
It becomes so complicated. It is why there are wars between countries. It is why we just can't seem to get a long with each other. I feel like a part of it is because we judge our neighbor by our standards, by what is normal for us, by our experiences. But is that really fair? Each of us come from different family structures, have differen't experiences that shape us. We have different personalities, different cultural influences, different behaviors. Is it really fair to judge someone else by the way we do things?
When someone does something or says something that we don't understand...we immediately, as humans, have the need to make sense of it. I think it is almost a survival mechanism...a device to protect ourselves from danger. Immediately, we set about the task of determining what was the motivating factor. Why did he do that? Why did she say that? We come up with all these scenario's based on our experiences.
And then what? Maybe we come up with something that is close to being accurate....or so it seems to us. What do we do with that information? Do we use it to cause further drama? Do we use it to caution other people about this person's behavior? Do we just need to sort it out and make sense of it for ourselves? Maybe a combination of all of these, but I guess the real question is...do we ever use it to try to come to a better understanding of that person? Do we ever use it as the basis for a healing conversation? Do we ever use it to try and reach out to that person?
I wish I could say I am not guilty of any of this. I wish I could say I always take the high road. But I think it's something to strive for. I think that instead of being judge and jury....and then sharing our verdict with anyone who will listen...I think that maybe we should take a step back. I think that maybe we should consider how we would feel in the same circumstances. I think that once in awhile..we should keep quiet. We should make a choice NOT to be part of the drama. We should look at our neighbor, coworker, friend...and try to come to a better understanding, a more harmonious existence.
We are all connected....for better and worse. I think we need to remember, that none of us are perfect....and as much as humanly possible, treat each person with the dignity and respect that we would like to receive in return. I think that sometimes we need to make the choice...to let it roll off our back, to give someone a chance....
" Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
~Martin Luther King
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